May 14, 2009
Slept wonderfully after lots of nights of very restless sleep and “puzzled” dreams…. Yesterday when I talked to ___ on the phone, she prayed for me (without me asking, or even telling her how I was feeling)…. Before she began to pray, I was so cold and tired… literally shaking, shivering, like freezing cold (but it wasn’t cold). And the last few days I’ve just felt so tired, my brain felt dead, and I couldn’t even carry on a conversation, expecially anything related to the Lord. It was like every time I opened my mouth, I either couldn’t think of anything to say at all, or a bunch of words would fall out but to me it made so little sense, I felt like I was just babbling. And then, as she prayed, my body began to warm up right through, and the shivering just stopped, and I felt so calm and peaceful, right to my depths.
And I think that maybe I’ve been “trying to trust” God in my own strength, keeping myself apparently calm on the outside – but my insides (my painful tummy, my dreams and tossing sleep, even the way I’ve been eating lately) are betraying the fact that I’m not really trusting You, Father. I mean, I think I trust You more than I used to… but at the same time, I’ve slipped into “trying to trust” by my own effort, failing to seek Your Spirit, and failing to really trust in Your love. Anyway, after ___ prayed, my body became so calm, and I fell asleep, and slept and slept and slept – and woke rested and looking forward to the day!
