December 3, 2009
Time flies!
But oh Papa! Finally I am just taking some time to actually sit down with You, alone together! Wow!
I want, before I forget, to talk to You about something that has really been on my mind, big-time. That is, I keep wondering if I am kind of wandering away from You, and/or am not taking our relationship seriously enough? I feel as though maybe I am just too happy and carefree. I’ve put it down to this incredible assurance and knowledge You have bestowed upon me that I AM Your child – a child of GOD! – reunited, my spirit with Your Spirit, through the incredible sacrificial blood of my Shepherd, Savior, Lord, King! Your beloved Son – You! Jesus!
(That whole 3-in-1-God concept is just wondrously, amazingly, incredibly mind-boggling! You are so much MORE than any of us can possibly imagine! And that just makes us so much more small and insignificant, logically – and yet: You love us!!! You love me!!! Wow! Thank You! Glory to Your Holy Name!!!)
Anyway, back to my happiness and carefree-ness… and my bursts of laughter that just pop out without any external cause, and my feet that dance unexpectedly just because the joy inside can’t stay locked up there one moment longer… and sometimes I find myself just flinging my arms out, or punching my hand upwards toward the sky, and twirling in circles and shouting out “Yes!” or “Yee-Haw!” or other crazy expressions of utter joy and happiness and pleasure and delight and excitement – of love for You, because You are so incredible and caring and providing.
(Where is all that caring and providing coming from, eh? That’s another thing that “worries” me… actually, I don’t worry, but I do wonder… and I know someone is sitting on my shoulder planting those nagging little thoughts, trying to make me worry – trying to cause me to not trust You, isn’t it! – nagging little thoughts: “can’t trust for everything” little thoughts: they sure don’t come from You!
That old serpent never changes… he’s been at it ever since that fateful conversation with mother Eve way back there in the beginning, that started all this pain and separation from You… but now You’ve rebuilt (I was going to say “repaired the breach” but that sounds like gluing together a broken vase: it’s never the same, it’s imperfect, and easily rebroken…) – You’ve rebuilt anew, recreated even (!) the original relationship You created “in the beginning.” So we are…. (if only we accept it, believe it, trust You and thereby walk in it, act on it: living faith: which also is provided by You, made available by You, offered by You as our spirit and Your Spirit walk together, and we grow closer and closer to You! growing in grace and in knowledge of – knowing – Jesus Christ our Lord)…. We are: accepted, holy, saints, complete, uncondemned, children of God!!!!)
(Ha! That “little voice” just now protested: “But it can’t be that easy!”)
But it is that easy! Finally, I’ve seen it (You’ve opened my heart and ears and eyes… to YOUR TRUTH. That “Truth Project” video series was interesting… but with the Truth that You alone, dear Jesus – dear God – are the One Way, the One Truth, the One Life – without that basic Truth, which is a living Truth, not just a doctrinal/ believe-it-in-your-head-and-repeat-it-until-you’ve-made-yourself-believe-it kind of “truth” – head knowledge – with You, the Truth Yourself, the rest is dead and useless, having no meaning or purpose – really having no existence, for it is in You alone that all things exist and have their being. Incredible!
And more incredible that You, the source of all being; You, the Almighty God of heaven and earth, the I AM, the Creator of all – the Word! the Truth! the Life – have also, because of Your love for me… for “such a worm as I,” the old hymn-writer put it, and that’s the way I really do feel about it (lol! No offence to all you little wiggly earthworms!)….
Because of Your boundless love for me, You Yourself have chosen to become the sacrifice, the only sacrifice that could bring me back into the relationship with You that You created me – by Your spoken Word! – to be “in the beginning” – YOU ARE THE WAY!!!!
Wow! Thank You! I’ve never before this moment seen that so clearly. You’ve opened my heart and eyes and ears once again!!! Amazing grace!!!! (And I don’t just mean “salvation” or whatever… the big things… but when I say “grace” I mean the details too – like this amazing Truth You just opened my eyes to! Taking it out of the realm of doctrine/ knowledge into LIFE! Living Reality! YOU!!!!!
Okay, see J I’m dancing, smiling, laughing inside even as I sit here writing these words – and I’m bursting to let loose and let it come out into the open, physically, emotionally! Incredibly! Wow! Thank You, Jesus! I love You!
Because YOU LOVE ME!!!!
See, I’ve been getting nagged at… that life can’t be this easy, this happy, this joyful, this worry-free, this really-I-am-totally-a-child-of-God! Surely I need to be more serious, take more responsibility, work harder, worry more, suffer more, be poorer (like I can’t be this well provided for by You! surely I’m being set-up for something… or I’m not a “good enough” Christian and therefore am not suffering enough… or it’s just a little glitch in life and reality is going to kick back in and if I’m not serious enough now, I won’t be prepared for it when the “normal” suffering comes… and anyway, I don’t deserve it: why should I have so many blessings, so much happiness, when the majority of the world is suffering so much….
(which, Mr. nagging voice, begs the question: why does it seem to be that the believers who are suffering the most, seem to also be most as peace and most joyful in their relationship with Father????… well, maybe because everything else has been stripped away, and their lives really have become “all about You, Lord” because they have nothing else “good” to hang onto – and in that, they have truly found that You, Papa, are ALL!!!! Yes!!!!) (Well, that has a lot to do with what I observe in the lives of the street people I’ve come to know who are walking with You! Yay!).
… oh, and then there’s that extra-naggy little thought that always dances around the edges of all the other nagging little thoughts: what if the reason I’m so happy – joyful! – is because I’ve really wandered off from You, Papa… by not “doing” what “I’m supposed to,” what “I should be doing,” … and so the enemy is delighted and is just making my life seem “simple” and “pleasant” so that I’ll be blinded to the “truth” about my “love relationship” with You (That’s the argument a lot of people use against those “love relationship” ideas explored in “The Shack” … that it’s too easy, not “serious” enough, not enough “fear” of God, etc)…
(Odd, isn’t it, that the enemy – and the flesh, and man’s drive to “earn salvation” or whatever – would use an argument apparently against himself, to try to drag me (us) out of relationship with You, and back into misery and brokenness… that comes from listening to him in the first place… enslaved by sin… pretty smart “reverse psychology” isn’t it…)
Wow, it’s been almost an hour I’ve been talking with You, Papa! Thank You! I love conversations with You! I love BEING with You, in You, through You!!! You, my Father, my Papa, my Lord, my King, Almighty God! Savior! Creator! Shepherd! THE WAY, THE TRUTH, THE LIFE! Thank You! Amazing Grace! Amazing God! “Amazing love, how can it be, that Thou, my God, shoulds’t die for me!” Amen! Thank You! I love You!
…. On to Your word…
Wow! Look! My “psalm for today” – and total reassurance and confirmation that my life is in Your hands, and that I am walking in love relationship with You (and growing in You, day by day, moment by moment, by YOUR GRACE, and that You do forgive me when I stumble and get my eyes on myself and start living the “nagged life” … and all the time You are calling me to You, the source of all JOY! No wonder I am HAPPY! YAY!
(Just a little BTW: a lot of little “negative” things still do happen in my life… and some big ones… but the thing is, “I” don’t “worry” about them, don’t try to fix them or take responsibility for them, etc, anymore… I just KNOW that YOU are IN CONTROL and that “ALL THINGS are working together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” It’s a nasty world, no doubt about it, but everything is going to work out in the end (sadly, those who choose not to return to You, their Creator, are going to miss out on it, by their own choice…))
Psalm 146:
- Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul!
- I will praise the Lord while I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.
- Do not trust in princes, in mortal man, in whom there is no salvation
- His spirit departs, he returns to the earth in that very day his thoughts perish.
- How blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God,
- Who made heaven and earth, the sea and all that is in them; who keeps faith forever;
- Who executes justice for the oppressed; Who gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets the prisoners free.
- The Lord opens the eyes of the blind; the Lord raises up those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous;
- The Lord protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow, but He thwart the way of the wicked.
- The Lord will reign forever, Your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the LORD!
…..
Hmmm…. I don’t think this year’s Nobel peace prize was given to President Barack Obama, for himself, the man… but rather to Barack Obama, the idea! The symbol! The hope! (Ha! I suppose it will never be given to the real PRINCE OF PEACE….)
Just wondering… Why do people WANT to “earn” Your love and salvation? (And why do they want to drag everyone else down into their misery?) (And why won’t they give You and Your Love a try????)
