July 5, 2009
(a new journal! Again! … this one #98!)
So I made the lemon loaf and then realized I didn’t put sugar in it – but it turned out well anyway, just a bit smaller and slightly different texture, but still plenty sweet with the topping!
I did walk over and check out if there was church-in-the-park, but nobody was there. So I came home and started reading the Above Rubies magazine, and 2 things really struck me! On was the article about prayer… Oh Papa, I want to pray more. I haven’t been praying “from the prayer manual” hardly at all for some time, and not much at all journaling (didn’t even write in my journal for a whole week while on holidays), and was thinking, oh, I’m not praying at all! But then I realized that I stop and talk to You really quite often throughout the day… and hubby has been praying with me way more often!… and people keep coming into our lives, and either praying with/for us, or asking for prayer… and though I have not been bold to pray aloud, I have prayed those requests for the most part. And I pray when I wake up and when I go to sleep, especially for Your guidance in my life, and for Your protection and leading and salvation in the lives of my children and their families. And I also just noticed that I seem to often – even very often – be carrying on an “on-going conversation” with You just as each day goes on.
But the thing that impressed me in the article I read was the need for “formal” (intentional, regular) times of prayer, morning and evening, with the whole family. Father, You know how through the years when the kids were growing up, that I tried to encourage that, but it wasn’t easy, and as they got more into their teens it became almost impossible… but at that time You and I spent much time together alone… THANK YOU! Still, I do want to spend more time now, intentionally, with You – in Your Word and in prayer. And I still long to pray with others – with my family first of all, with other believers (Your body… I am thinking maybe it is time to go to “prayer meeting at church” again after all…)
And Father, then I read those articles about NC’s family who live close together and do so much together and pray together and support each other (and eat so healthy, and garden, and not only live on the same homestead but also have an amazing camp ministry)… and oh, Father, lately You have been so impressing on me to pray “impossible, miracle” prayers… to ask You, trusting and believing, to provide the means for the dreams YOU have placed in my heart (and yes, after all my doubts and wonderings, I have come to the conclusion that “my vision” really is YOUR vision… and that Your plans that You’ve placed in my heart are REAL…
And before I sat down to write this, I found myself praying (with wonder and awe and even disbelief and shock, wondering if I dared ask…. So that I ended up kind of just trailing off… sorry…) – Well, I found myself praying that You would provide a place where all our family could live together, like a facility like Pine Grove Camp… when the boys could get work in the area… and where we could get the place with our $15,000! Now, talk about impossibilities! And yet… that is what I felt led – by You – to pray for. And here I am writing it down, recording it (and having the guts to post it up where all the world can see)… Am I crazy, Papa? Or have You just been waiting patiently, all these years, for me to get to the point of asking You for the impossible?!?! (Oh yes, and of course a place that is also large enough to have a retreat center/ camp/ whatever, just like in the vision YOU gave me!)
Oh dear God! Almighty God of the universe, of ALL! YOUR will be done!
(Thank You!)
(later again, same day)… So I really felt led by You, Lord, to go to church for the pre-service prayer. I have to admit I felt very awkward, as I haven’t been to a full Sunday morning church service for a very long time. But I SO needed to be in Your Presence with Your people in prayer together. Quite a few people were there… about 4 or 5 kind of “dominated” the praying with kind of long, “good” prayers… I haven’t heard that kind of prayer for awhile, and I found myself being “critical” of it. But then S asked everyone to stand and join hands and go around the circle with sentence-praise-prayers. I have never felt comfortable with the whole “stand and hold hands” thing, though I think it is good to encourage (not force!) everyone to pray at least a few words (but even that can be hard sometimes for some folks…. It was kind of hard for me today… but I needed to… lately, I’ve found it very hard to pray aloud if I am praying with more than one person).
After the prayer time, before the service, S gave me a handout he has written about “The importance of prayer.” I really wasn’t feeling enthusiastic about reading it… but when I sat down to write this, I pulled it out of my bag and started to skim it… and realized it is a confirmation from You about praying more!
