conversations, meditations, reflections
Posts tagged Questions to God
“Evil” questions?” “Should’s?” Papa, can You be my Mama too?
Feb 5th
5 February 2010
Papa, please take care of my auntie (and uncle, and their kids)…
Oh dear God… how can You let people who’ve loved You and served You all their lives, get dementia??? It just seems so wrong… and yes, evil….
I wonder, in their lost world of scattered bits of long-ago memories… do You really stay there with them all the time; I mean, do You at least give them constant peaceful awareness of Your Presence, when they seem to have lost pretty much everything else???
I’m pretty sure You sent angels to my mom – maybe she even saw You, dear Jesus – at the end… but what about that last year or so when she was just kind of curled up and it seemed like she wasn’t hardly aware of anything… but obviously she was “conscious” enough to still experience pain and cold and maybe even feelings of loneliness and stuff?? (Not to mention the several years before that when she was steadily “losing it” … and for a long time, she knew it, and was often so distressed by it?? If it “has to be” can’t You at least “hurry up” the process in that awkward, in-between time??
Are these “evil” questions?? I guess they were questions I had along the way, but didn’t dare to ask or whatever, when mom was going through all that… but to be honest, I’m having a harder time now with my auntie going through it – not really because she is so far away, or because I don’t really have words of comfort for the family, or whatever – but maybe mostly because my auntie offered to be my “substitute mom” during and after all that, and I accepted… and she really was there for me when I needed my mom… and now I feel as though I just cannot go through “losing my mom” again like that!
I know I “should have” Job’s integrity and righteousness, and face this with the words, “Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?”
(But how can You take my mom away – slowly and painfully – twice??? Or have I still not learned to trust in You alone? Is that what this is about?)
(I’ve been happy to kind of be a “shoulder” for my cousin as she goes through this… but now I have no “shoulder” for myself… or… well, yes, I do! I have You!) (But maybe in viewing You as my Papa/ Father/ Daddy, I’ve still been needing a “mommy” … and a lot of folks out there think that’s a bit heretical…) (though it isn’t, of course) (Thank You for helping me see this).
(And yes, I guess I should phone them and visit with them and encourage them…. Please help me…)
Learning about myself… visiting friends… interesting conversation about You
Dec 4th
November 26, 2009
Well I did fall asleep just after 7 pm last night… and woke up at 6:10 am! So I got 11 hours of sleep. And I am feeling better! Guess I really was behind on my sleep… for a long time. Ever since all the craziness started in late August – and even before that, because the summer nights were so hot and so short. Well, hurrah for long, cold, dark winter nights, eh!
As I’m doing the NaNoWriMo-ing, I am learning a lot about myself. For I think that a lot of the “fictional” actions, reactions, thoughts, emotions that I’m attributing to these women characters are probably (often for sure) right from me!
November 27, 2009
What a great week. I’ve had coffee after work three times, with some of my best gal friends! This is something I’ve longed to do for such a long time. Oh, and last night I went for coffee and a chat with 3 other friends as well! Great conversation about You, Papa!
I’m up to 47, 915 words on NaNoWriMo – not too far from my 50,000 word goal. I think I’ll actually make it by the 30th. Though it won’t be “finished” by a long shot…
The conversation last night was about the hard questions about how You could have been so harsh/ cruel/ judgmental in the Old Testament times – then, as Jesus in the New Testament, so loving (and then the harshness seemingly comes back in Revelation). Of course I’ve always heard the explanation that Your holiness requires Your judgment and wrath – with wrath being defined as extreme, “righteous” anger – whereas the guy we were listening to on the computer argued that Your wrath is not anger (as we define anger). And that it is directed at SIN – which destroys our relationship with You (rather than being directed at individuals). He said Your goal is always to restore that perfectly holy relationship… and that does require, in the end, destroying all that is evil: which has to include those individuals who refuse to accept Jesus, Your provision for restored relationship with You.
And regarding the Old Testament, an example was given of the flood: the speaker suggested that in order to guarantee that Jesus could come – at the first moment in time when (enough of ) mankind would be really to accept Him – it was necessary to destroy evil forces/ people who would otherwise end up destroying the righteous/ faithful persons through whose line of descendants Jesus would come.
Interesting thoughts… I’ll have to look more into all that… Papa???
here?… there? ….
Nov 7th
Aug 15, 2009
Hubby and I checked through the Real Estate open house list – but nothing I’m interested in and that we can afford.
Went to Home Hardware and got white melamine paint for the desk.
There weren’t any job postings at Home Hardware, but I guess I could still drop off a resume and application form.
Hubby said our daughter phoned about jobs available at Comox… but it is the place he has already applied to recently, twice, with no response. But we can send them an email to tell them we are still interested!
Hubby said again this morning that he wants to go to the mortgage place here, and to get that all sorted out as soon as possible so we can buy a place here…
a surprise employment offer… feeling in limbo… I want to know what You want for me… and I’m feeling disappointed…
Nov 7th
August 12, 2009
N phoned to see if I’d be interested in a Monday to Thursday 4 hour per day (9 am to 1 pm) office position at the church I used to attend, working in the office. Yikes….
I told hubby and we prayed.
I just am in “limbo” these days. No idea what is going to happen. So I have no get up and go. Could be working on my blog, photos, etc….
I so want to move… wherever… and fix up a new home, and furnish it, and start a job….
(Oh Father, the thought of that church office job just twists my tummy! Even though N says we do not need to attend the church… she said if I don’t want the job they might hire someone from completely outside their church. She said it would be mostly answering the phone and putting together the bulletin… but I fear that is wishful thinking – those kinds of jobs grow! … and honestly, Papa, to be honest, I’m really not sure I want to be that closely connected with that church… You know… I almost feel as if You are “testing” me or something… especially in view of that scripture I read and recorded yesterday…
Papa, I feel like crying. I so want to hear Your voice, to KNOW what You want for me… to just “get going” (even though I know You are in control and Your timing is best and all…)…. The thing is, I feel as though (well, the enemy keeps whispering in my ear) maybe You really don’t care what we “do” (some “good Christians” do say that…) and maybe I’m just wasting time sitting around waiting when I could proactively be DOING something (BUT Your Word says Your purposes prevail anyway!)…. there was a column yesterday about how women constantly feel “guilty” … boy, that is true… I wonder if it’s just the way the enemy manipulates us… and I’m tired of always worrying about how my decisions will affect others… and sometimes I really DO want to do something just for ME… and of course I feel selfish and guilty about that too…
It seems to me that I should delight to read Your Word… but I so often end up feeling guilty for not reading it enough, and for not living up to it, and… well, here’s a BIG thing…
I keep thinking I’m hearing Your direction… and then it seems like NOTHING HAPPENS. (This is true about my life generally, too) – I am having a horrible time trying to live “day by day, moment by moment” … I feel like time is just flying by and I am not doing anything worthwhile at all.
(And I’m so lonely for my kids, too).
(And I AM disappointed… I really did believe Vancouver Island was Your will… just happened on some “coastal” pictures today on Flickr… made me so sad and lonely…)
I keep thinking, well, maybe You have something for me to do here first… but what? how? when? etc etc etc?
I keep getting excited and hyped up… and then just fall flat.
I want to just put my head under a big pillow and hide and cry…
I HATE this… which is stupid, because I really DO have an easy life… and I don’t want the kinds of hassles so many people have…
Ha! I just opened my Bible and read:
“Hear, O Israel! You are crossing over the Jordan today… 3. Know therefore today that it is the LORD your God who is crossing over before you as a consuming fire…”
SEE? I read that and instantly I take it as a word of encouragement and expectation from You… and my heart lifts… but I am finding that as soon as that happens, I try to calm myself because I’m so afraid it’s just ME “reading into” Your Word, and maybe it’s NOT from You at all and I’m just going to be let down again…
HOW DO I KNOW WHEN IT’S REALLY YOU? AND WHAT YOU ARE REALLY SAYING TO ME, TELLING ME??
(Now I’m at verse 6 “… for you are a stubborn people… 7…. you have been rebellious against the LORD. 8. … you provoked the LORD to wrath…. 12 acted corruptly… turned away from the way I commanded…”
Well, that’s NOT encouraging… I sure do hope THAT’S not directed at me… but then am I wrong to hope that the positive parts ARE???)
Father, I really, really hoped that my writing would go somewhere… I really thought that was from You…. (not to mention all the other things in the past, like wanting to have a secretarial business and so on…. unschooling…. what about the whole retreat center thing?!?!….)
It just seems safer and more sensible to just get a “regular job” (one without too much “idealism” and “ministry” etc, attached to it…)
Well, the chapter ends with “29. Yet they are Your people, even Your inheritance, whom You have brought out by Your great power and Your outstretched arm.”
(Just read Psalm 107:4-9… could it possibly be for me right now, Lord? Father? Jesus? Holy Spirit? Oh speak to me, please, dear God. Please show me Your way… and give me patience for the right time to hear and see You… Thank You… 
Oh yes…. I went furniture “window shopping” … at an antiques store and at a pawn store, at Sally Ann, at Rooms to Go, Kondola’s, Sears, and the little furniture store next to Sprott Shaw. The latter was the only one that had stuff I really liked (but expensive)… also went to Zellers and Liquidation World. And checked The Bay the other day. And looked at storage units in Staples too. And I’ve also looked recently at Walmart and Canadian Tire. Guess I could also check out Rona and Home Hardware…. I came home and went through the IKEA catalog AGAIN! Feel much more hopeful about IKEA J
This and that… loving Your Word… wondering about illness – and sin?
Nov 7th
August 10, 2009
Well, the temperature went down to 15 C last night – and it’s only 22 C so far (at 11 am). An actual gray day – so far! Think I can actually go walkabout in the middle of the day!
I spent till 11 pm last night uploading pictures to Flickr – one set froze part way through and I had to redo that bunch, and then I labeled them all. So I ended up waking up this morning at 7:05 am. That is really SLEEPING IN for me!
Today I posted more pictures, checked out the Staples site again, and printed out the details of 4 places I’m interested in (Penticton houses… from MLS.ca). Lord???
Why is it that every time I sit down I get sleepy? Especially if I am going to read from Your Word? Please give me energy, dear Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit! And enthusiasm too! (though that isn’t such a problem… I do LOVE Your Word!!!) Thank You! Amen!
James 5:14 “Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; 15 and the prayer offered in faith will restore (save) the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. 16. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much…” (s/a Deut 7:15)
Hmmm…. I wonder how much illness actually is a result of personal sin? In context, prayers and anointing for healing seem to be pretty much (there is that “IF he has committed sins” phrase, though) intertwined with the need for forgiveness of and turning from sin. (Not something we generally are taught or notice…)
Decluttering… and question to Papa…
Nov 7th
July 17, 2009
I am in the mood for decluttering again. Only it is already hot: 33C at 2 pm! Apparently it only went down to 18 C briefly at 5 am… sure glad I went for an EARLY morning walk. There is so much stuff in this house that I do not want or need. Maybe I really should go through the packed boxes again, too.
Father, R phoned and asked if I would like to come and stay there for awhile, to babysit (free room and board plus a bit of pay) and I could also job hunt and house hunt (there on the Island). Father, it is up to YOU! Please show me – please show hubby and me both. Thank You! In Jesus’ name, amen.
Finances… and OT/NT disconnect?
Nov 7th
July 16, 2009
Neighbor party woke me up about 4:30 or 4:45 am. Part of it was an argument, and I started praying for them… and when I did, the arguing ended! But the party carried on until about 5:20 or 5:30. Meanwhile, after praying, You suddenly gave me a “revelation” (at least it was a revelation to me!).
I’ve been thinking about “studying finances from a biblical viewpoint,” … I’ve always felt there was kind of a “disconnect” between OT and NT writings on “wealth” although many similar principles, such as giving generously to the poor. But in the OT, over and over we read of God promising, basically, “health, wealth and prosperity” to His people (so long as they obey His commandments and laws – and fear/ revere Him.. and even, most of all, “do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with your God” (Micah 5:8, s/a Jer 22:3 and 13f). While in the NT we read of “storing up treasure in heaven” while being warned (and seeing experienced in the lives of Jesus and His followers) of poverty, suffering, etc (and also of “one another” love, kindness, full sharing of our goods, etc).
So much of the teaching I have heard has tended to be of the “tithe faithfully and God will financially bless you” variety (esp from Malachi 3) (or, on the other extreme, the “evils” of having money, though that seems to have been mostly a thing of the past… at least in our materialistic society… in which the “free enterprise” system is held up as being the “Christian” way, with each person supposedly encouraged to get out there and get rich…). Anyway, I’ve wondered at the OT/NT disconnect …
And then You suddenly spoke so clearly, enlightened the eyes of my heart (and mind!). You reminded me that the OT Jewish/Israelite experience, as “God’s people, under His special law and covenant” was one of an earth-based kingdom (even with its theocratic nature/ basis), that was a type/ picture/ shadow of the greater, full kingdom of God that Jesus would make available to mankind through His sacrifice on the cross. (Those in the OT really didn’t even have a clear concept of an after-life (Psa 88:10-12)… so earthly wealth passed down the generations of a family was important… it was their “hope” … it was a very earth-bound view of existence, even with their belief in Almighty God!). So in the NT we are promised riches – but the emphasis is on spiritual riches (both now, and “treasure in heaven” to come), and we are constantly reminded that this world is not our home, and that the physical/ temporal riches we may encounter here are fleeting at best, and are to be shared with others, as we fulfill the great commandment of Jesus to love God and others.
Even tithing is an OT concept, limited in its scope. As believers, we are called to, basically, give 100%, all we have, right to our very lives, for the sake of the Kingdom and our love of God and our neighbor. (As Pastor A used to say, Time, Talents, Treasure… 100%… our whole BEING dedicated to, dwelling in, and being part of, in all aspects of our lives, God’s kingdom).
And sometimes God does give us times of material “prosperity” and sometimes times of great “poverty, need, suffering” during our journey through this world. And when we have those times of prosperity, we are to share it with great generosity and love with our brothers and sisters who are in need (2 Corinthians 8). (And note, not 10% or some such set number, but overflowing in joy and liberality – even when we are “poor” – giving ourselves to the Lord and to others by the will of God, abounding in sharing our goods/ wealth with others just as we abound in faith/ knowledge/ earnestness, on the bases of love and of the example of Jesus’ grace (as He became [physically] poor to make us [spiritually!] rich… giving according to what we have [so people who are rich in the wealth of this world will give abundantly, overflowing, maybe 90% or more of their income, willing to give away all that is beyond their very basic survival needs, eh?? Just as 10% of income may be too much for those living on the edge of survival… and recognizing that we are to give from ALL our “riches” (to our very lives), not just our income/ money… (in fact, of course, OT tithing being mainly crops, livestock, etc.. money generally being given as “offerings” more often, it seems, from my reading…)].
Anyway, the key is what we mean by riches – treasures on earth or those “stored up” in heaven – and our use of them – for ourselves or for the kingdom of God (with the love of God and neighbor). And remembering that every good thing we have comes from God and belongs to Him, and that includes every aspect of our lives!
Yes, God blesses us, God gives us wealth, as His people… but spiritual wealth, eternal wealth is that which is of greatest value, and therefore is what we long for!
(And we also need to be very aware of the dangers of “worldly wealth,” the temptations the enemy lays upon it, the very temporary nature of it, the danger of the “love of money which is a root of all kinds of evil” See Jer 22!)
Note: Even in the OT, there are frequent “hints” toward the teaching Jesus would bring. For example: Proverbs 20:15 “There is gold, and an abundance of jewels; but the lips of knowledge are a more precious thing.” And of course, even in the OT, the source of wealth is important. It SHOULD come by the blessing of God for fearing Him, loving Him, obeying Him. If it is not a result of righteousness (a right relationship with God) then it is a result of evil, and the outcome of it will also be evil, in the long run. Proverbs 20:17 “Bread obtained by falsehood is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be filled with gravel.” 21. “An inheritance gained hurriedly at the beginning will not be blessed in the end… 23. Differing weights are an abomination to the LORD, and a false scale is not good.” Etc!
church-in-the-park… and wonderings and questions to Papa
Jun 16th
June 14, 2009
Got up 3:10 am, and set bread dough. Went back to sleep till about 4:30 am, then made about 100 fried bread! Finished just after 6:30. Took most of it, along with cookies and muffins from the freezer, to church-in-the-park. Breakfast there was hot dogs – which lasted until the propane ran out! So it was a good thing I took so much food (Thank You, Father, for inspiring me to take the muffins and cookies). I also learned to make coffee in the big percolator, so that will be my little job from now on. There were a lot of people there – but only one other woman; she stayed almost the whole time – thank You, Lord! Apparently there were 3 “almost fights” but except for one, I didn’t really notice. I had good chats with several people, and gave Colin the printouts of our “testimony” as well as a list of my websites.
The “lesson” was about “the way.” It was a real confirmation to me about “love walking” and about reaching out to the poor and the anguished.
There are getting to be a lot of out-of-towners; unlike the year-round people, some of them don’t respect Pastor Peter’s efforts, and don’t appreciate the efforts of the city’s soup kitchen (which is run by volunteers in a facility built by a local church). The soup kitchen is having a lot of problems, with more people coming than they are set up for (this community is known as a summer resort area, and has a huge influx of people who come here to spend the summer relaxing in the sun…), people fighting, butting in line, taking more than their share of the food. There is potential for it to close down if things get worse.
Pastor P. wants to start moving out to help get street ministries going in other cities. I think it is maybe time for him to empower the people (disciples!) he has been mentoring, to take more responsibility for the work here, so that he can do that.
He also wants to encourage churches to commit to pay people to do full-time street ministry. I wonder? As he says, people need to be able to support their families. But if the money support comes from established traditional churches, will the street ministry people have freedom to do the work as God leads them, out on the streets where the people are, rather than trying to bring them into the “church building” programs and places… Well, God is all-powerful, so it really is up to Him – and we need to follow His Spirit’s lead, right?
He was talking about this church in a city area in Ontario where he was last week. There are a few hundred thousand people in the urban area there. At this church, there are ten pastors – including a “street ministry pastor.” He was pretty excited about that, so he asked this pastor how it was going. The pastor said, “Well, we had Jack, but he recently moved to Toronto.” Pastor P. was pretty surprised at that. He and his wife decided to go for a walk down the street outside the church, and within a couple blocks met 10 street people who hang out right around there. (It seems to me that it is sometimes hard for established/traditional churches to really reach out. Their idea of outreach seems to be to have some kind of program in the church building and hope it will attract the “lost” to come in and be “ministered to.” …. Oh, did I say that already? Yep…)
Makes me wonder if God is maybe moving individuals OUT into the streets, into the world where the harvest is ready for reaping??? (I read John 4 this afternoon: “just happened” to be today’s reading….)
Father, Pastor P is really hoping that the folks at the church that hosts the Tuesday and Thursday morning coffee times will really take ownership, and turn up regularly, and supply the needs for coffee, snacks, etc… and especially build friendships, relationships with the street people who come by for coffee and breakfast snacks. Father, please don’t let any “religious spirit” overcome this outreach – and move Your peoples’ hearts to follow Your lead in this area. Please strengthen and guide and encourage the pastor there who really has a desire to reach out into the downtown community where the building is locate! And please use me in any way You wish in these regards. Thank You.
Father, I have to say (which of course You already know – and understand far more completely than I do myself) that I sure don’t know what You want from me/us. Campbell River or Penticton (or elsewhere)? The job hubby has or another? What about me – a job, or home-based business, or not? What about our son – job, education, what?
And Father, I sometimes feel so, I don’t know, out of place! Well, I don’t feel right in the “traditional church”… but I also wonder if I really am making any difference on the street? I don’t seem to be doing any real “proclamation of the gospel”… but some at least seem to appreciate me being around, and pretty near everyone loves the baking…
So many times I have been told I have the “gift of teaching” … but it seems like in this situation and time I am mostly watching and listening. There sure aren’t any traditional “Bible study” opportunities (which is no doubt a good thing… seems I am going through a de-Bible-study-leadership time too!)… and even in Pastor P’s “lesson” times it seems I have almost nothing to add. But I think that it is true that one often needs to show – walk! – love! first, before being trusted enough by people to be able to proclaim the gospel message in words.
I am not sure how biblical that is. John did “prepare the way” for Jesus… but he did it by preaching repentance and baptizing for repentance of sins. The apostles…. well, they prayed and fasted and the Holy Spirit was given (like the Holy Spirit came upon Jesus)… and yes, both Jesus and the apostles did signs and wonders under the leading and power and authority of the Holy Spirit, which certainly did attract listeners (though even then, of course, some of the seed fell on the roadshide, or was choked out by thorns or whatever… but some grew and a great harvest was reaped, as Jesus said in the parable!)
I tried to bring up to ___ about prayer together among people involved in the street ministry and also any believers on the street who would like to join, or to be prayed for… but I don’t think he really heard me. He is truly wanting to know what You want him to do (and I can understand that… I’ve been there myself almost constantly… but more and more I can’t help but think that You want Your people to pray together, fast together, go out together! Jesus sent the disciples out two by two (without money or food or extra clothes or anything!) and the apostles went out by twos or in larger teams.
I kind of think of Priscilla sometimes as the kind of believer I’d like to be… but she was a team with her husband Aquila, and sometimes with Paul working with them as well. Father, I’m really concerned about myself in relation to submission to and under the authority, covering, headship of my husband… Father???
I have so many questions and wonderings right now, dear Papa! Please teach me, guid me, show me Your way… use me THE WAY, YOUR WAY!
Thank You!
… later… oh, so I went walkabout with my son, then my daughter and family came for a visit, and I made cow-pattie-cookies and then pancakes for supper – a pretty backwards meal! Then went to my cousin’s place to see her sister who is out visiting from Saskatchewan.
questions about ‘formal’ prayer….
May 16th
May 12, 2009 (again…)
I am really having trouble with the whole “prayer” thing. It seems like I just cannot “focus” on, well, “focused, intentional, formal” – whatever – prayer. My stomach feels sick every time I think about it. I open my “prayer manual” and pray for a few people/requests listed there, but soon I just can’t “get into it” – or I get distracted – and close the book. I am adding “prayers and praises from the Word” and do mean it as I pray them which writing them down. And I pray for people when they ask or when I see they need prayer or when You show me to pray (You tell me… or I look at situations and Your Spirit moves my spirit to pray… You know…); and when I’m playing my guitar and worshiping at the same time; and when I read Your Word I’m listening for Your voice, and conversing with You; and I do a lot of conversing with You in my thoughts, just off and on all day through the events of daily life, small and large; and I turn to You and give You the day when I wake up; and I’m learning to thank You more and more; and I have a lot of conversations with You about things I read about You, hear people say about You, etc. etc., just as those things come up; even in my dreams I ask You what is going on there; and I turn our future over to You again and again (I am terrified of trying to take it into my own hands… but the enemy tries to get me into that trap anyway… and lots of other traps too… oh I NEED YOU!!!)
But I’m not doing much formal praying… like I hear that guy saying we need to pray for ___ and for the “ministry” he is leading and so on… and then I feel guilty because I’m not “faithfully praying every day” in a formal, planned way, for particular set things like that.
Is it true that if we are open to, listening to, looking out for You (Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit – God!) in all our daily life, and are open and eater to be part of what You are (I was going to say, “what You are doing,” but it just seemed right to just write “what You are!”)… Is it ture that that is part of “prayer” too? It is part of relationship with You, and it is part of communication, even communion, with You…
but You do say, dear Jesus, “When you pray, say…” – so You assume prayer… and fasting… and You even say to pray often, both alone with Father, and together… and persistently…
So… there is “abiding” … and prayer is a part of that… in some ways it’s an integral part: “pray without ceasing”… but there is also a definite place for intentional prayer, isn’t there?
I think maybe I’ve just been avoiding “formal/ intentional/ yes, even structured!” prayer, as I’ve been avoiding in the same way anything else that smacks of enslaving rules, regulations, rituals… I am afraid of getting dragged into “slavery” to those things. I see, reading that book, that those things are inherently evil – or even inherently “religious” – in themselves, but the enemy loves to draw us across the line, away from abiding in You, our vine; from following You, our shepherd; from focusing our eyes and hearts on You, our Lord, our Head, our Savior, our God… moving from function… to form (the root of the words “formal/ formality” by the way!). I don’t want to be “doing” instead of “being.” (Though of course “being in You” works itself out, manifests itself, in “doing with You”). (But I do want to be sure the order is right! That it really is “all about You, Jesus!”
the tithe thing… Papa?… slavery vs freedom…
May 16th
May 4, 2009 (continued)
Papa, I’ve been “worrying” about “the tithe.” … and we seem to have been “wasting money, digging into the tithe” with things like the steam cleaner, and “wasting gas” going out for drives (but wow, You have saved us from “car expenses” over and over, with these 2 wonderful cars You have provided: Big Red and Little Red Wow! So really “low maintenance” and all… and when one “breaks down” the other is there… and good gas mileage (we only spent $37 on gas the other day… and didn’t gas up from April 8 to May 2! Wow! What’s with that?!? We just don’t seem to need the car much!)… and hubby has enjoyed those “drives” the past couple days (and so have I, and You’ve been teaching me from them!)… and I’ve had so much fun with the camera, and sharing photos… Oh Papa! We are so blessed! To have a marriage with love (and form me – and him, too, no doubt – to have You here to share with, talk with, when we can’t seem to talk/share with each other for whatever reason…).
Oh, what I was writing about “wasting the tithe”… and just living expenses… and buying that new printer (and me excusing myself, saying, well, I can use it for You…)… and all the “eating out” we’ve done the past few days… and as I was sitting here visiting with You, Papa (I was going to write, “having coffee with You!” It just seems like such an appropriate metaphor!!!) it occurred to me that maybe You’re taking me through a de-tithing time, too (so I can learn to just give joyfully, gratefully, freely!!! Wow!!! Yay! I love You, Father!)…
So I just opened Your Word, and this jumped out at me (before I even started to read “today’s reading” : it’s underlined and it was just right there!) Mt. 21: 13 It is written, he said to them, My house will be called a house of prayer; but you are making it a den of robbers. (Someone said that a “den of robbers” is not the place where the robbing takes place, but the place that the robbers plan their robberies, and then go back to afterwards to gloat over their loot, and hoard it, and plan more robberies… oh my…. oh dear…). So, Papa, does that have something to do with the whole “tithe thing?”
But verse 14 says about Jesus in God’s house: The blind and the lame came to him at the temple and he healed them. That is a whole totally different thing than it being used as a “den of robbers” … A place to come and be healed by You, Jesus! walking with Papa, led by Your Holy Spirit! Verse 15: “Hosanna to the Son of David!”
And Father, You also say that your house is a “house of prayer” … Jeremiah 7:11 a house of prayer which bears God’s Name … Isaiah 56:6-7 a place to serve the LORD, worship Him, keep the Sabbath, hold fast to His covenant… joy, offerings and sacrifices accepted….
Papa?? What are You teaching me? Jesus? Sarayu Holy Spirit? Galatians 5:1 (from You!) It is for freedom that Christ as set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery… Galatians 5:5 But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. 6. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision (hmmm… or churchianity or unchurchianity?) has any value… The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love… Galatians 6:15 What counts is a new creation… 16 Peace and mercy to all who rollow this rule, even to the Israel of God…
(This is all coming from a “cross reference” I wrote in the margin at Matthew 21:21 a long time ago! …. and I don’t even see the “connection” now to the cross reference – whatever it meant to me then – but Galatians 5 was meant by You for me today… and yesterday I was too tired to finish my Bible reading so I left the Matthew reading for today… there are no coincidences in Your economy! Praise God!)
Gal 5:9 A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough… v11 persecution… the offence of the cross [a good and necessary thing, obviously!]… 13. serve one another in love. 14. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
BUT (15. If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other [I've been there... 
... forgive me, Father... forgive me, please, those I've bitten and devoured... and maybe destroyed, oh dear ]…. v 20: hatred, doscord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy… 26 conceited, provoking and envying each other…
v.16 So I say, LIVE BY THE SPIRIT, AND YOU WILL NOT GRATIFY THE DESIRES OF THE SINFUL NATURE… 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law… v. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law… 24. belong on Christ Jesus… crucified the sinful nature… 25 Since we live by the Spirit, LET US KEEP STEP WITH THE SPIRIT. .. 6:2 Carry each others’ burdens, and in this way You will fulfill the law of Christ… 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up…10… Therefore, AS WE HAVE OPPORTUNITY, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers…
Thinking about what ___ said about being quiet and observing: I used to have so much to say… now… not much at all (and when I do open my mouth, my foot seems to so often fall right in… was it doing that before and I just didn’t see it?) (Proverbs says even a fool will seem wise if he keeps quiet!).
(aside…. hmmm…. Anyone who receives instruction in the Word must share all good things with his instructor… Papa???)
