conversations, meditations, reflections
Posts tagged Conversations with God
Some interesting ways You’ve been talking to me!
Mar 6th
5 March 2010
Woke up 4:20 am. Spent some time sitting by hubby in front of the TV watching a bit of Stargate… then checked face book… and sent an email or two… then had a bit of breakfast… and then a shower… followed by a long soak in the tub: first real “bath” (other than many showers, of course) in this house, lol! My toes are finally really clean from last summer’s very ground-in dust, from wearing bare feet or sandals for so long! Anyway…)
Hoo boy! Father, You sure have had some interesting ways of talking to me in the past day or two:
- facebook statuses
- scriptures I “just happened upon” when a planner fell open
- email letter I was writing to a friend, that turned into a conversation with You
- that guy who I’d never met before, and who just dropped into the office… and we ended up having a long conversation – with You in the midst of it, eh!
- a caring phone call
- and just now, that blog email that just arrived…
I did try to “read scripture and hear Your voice” last night, but I really didn’t get “grabbed by it” … but meanwhile You chose to speak to me in so many other ways…
Not to mention, as well, the glorious sunshine yesterday that kept popping through no matter how hard the clouds tried to stop it! It was as much as 16 C by 2 pm! Wow!
And I learned a lot about my “giving questions” when I was talking to that guy who dropped into the office… and then there was the happiness and joy I saw in those street folks when they received shampoo and body wash, such a simple thing, and yet so wonderful to them! ….
And then that blog email spoke to me very clearly about how “me-focused” I’ve become – or maybe have been all along, oh dear… in this whole business at work…
Not to mention, also, how You’ve encouraged me… and opened my eyes to Your greater vision about Your church… and about helping the poor, too!
(You can find more on this at : “My Church Journey” at http://normajhill.blogspot.com/ … Feel free to check it out if you are interested!)
I love the surprise and adventure of giving my days to You!
Mar 6th
01 March 2010
Good morning Father!
Please be with me every moment of today! I do give it all to You – for my joy and pleasure and contentment, just as for Yours! I love giving my days to You! I love the sense of adventure, knowing that You can be counted on to make my days far more interesting and unexpected and delightful than what I would plan myself (of course I do make plans… but I love being flexible to let You turn them upsidedown if You so desire!). I love that You love me, and that I can totally depend on You to provide a day that is totally for my good, for the good of others I will be with, and for the increasing good and wonder of our relationship – Yours and mine – and by extension, all my other relationships where You place me.
I love that You do delight in letting me make “my plans,” especially when in the making of them I allow You the flexibility to surprise me! Sometimes, surely, the surprises aren’t at all what I would plan – and yes, sometimes I still do “worry” and get stressed and fail to trust that You are seeing the big picture and are working all things together for my good… hmmmm…. Guess that means I’m forgetting that You love me, because love is always kind and never fails, eh! Well, I’m sorry about that… but You do know my heart – and it is absolutely true that as I have been learning to trust You – as I have discovered that YOU REALLY AND TRULY DO LOVE ME! – my worry level has been dropping off significantly!
(Which is probably why when I fall into “little worries” now, I feel so sick and notice them so much more than before: because they are no longer a “regular part” of my life, so I’m not used to their effects! Yes! Oh Father, I long to reach the point of trusting Your love so deeply tat I cease “falling into worry” – cease doubting Your love! At all!) (And, yes, cease listening to the insidious whispers of my flesh and of the enemy).
Ha! Anyway, I know Your surprises are always for my good, and so very, very often they come in the form of blessings that I can see and enjoy right here and now, right in the moment! (Which is why I’m becoming more and more inclined to also view and expect the seemingly “unpleasant surprises” to be “blessings in disguise” … just as I can look at an ugly little caterpillar and already see in my mind’s eye the beautiful butterfly it will one day become! Or look at a tiny, bare, brown seed, and see in my mind’s eye the beautiful flower it will one day become! So then I begin to see the beauty and delight even in the “ugly caterpillar” or the “bare, brown, seed” kinds of events and circumstances that sometimes cross my days… A lot of beauty and delight in them! Hurrah!
(To you, the reader: this bit of writing is part of an ongoing series of blogs over at another of my blog sites: “My Church Journey” at http://normajhill.blogspot.com/ … Feel free to check it out if you are interested!)
Getting ready to move on?
Feb 27th
February 22, 2010
I’ve been wondering, Papa, if maybe You are preparing me to move on to other things (my ponderings about the reasons why can be found over on my blog “My Church Journey” at http://normajhill.blogspot.com/ ). I’ve been a bit worried, I have to admit, about what kind of job I could get that would allow me time off when I need it to go and visit my daughters when their babies arrive (three of them are expecting within the next few months), and allow me to take vacation time with my husband in the summer, and all…
And I was talking to my friend P on the phone today, and she said she and her women’s group are trying to decide on a new Bible study topic, and someone suggested the book of Acts, and she had right away said, “Oh! It would be so great to have Norma help us with that!” (and I remembered wonderful studies I’ve been part of in the past…)
And then I got another one of those Sheila Wray Gregoire emails today about a program she has developed about “Raising up new speakers” … in fact, she has a whole blog about it (and I remembered times I’ve spoken to women’s groups in the past…)
And I got an email recently asking me if I would be willing to tutor their child (and I remembered how much I enjoyed tutoring in the past…)
And I’ve had such a wonderful time lately with facebook photos, writing, chatting online, and journaling and blogging, and the online groups I have started… so on and on… and all those encouraging and helpful emails from the Zen Habits blog guy…
And I’m wondering if You really are preparing me to STEP OUT into something new, something that is more flexible and might allow me to go here and there, and do this and that, whenever and wherever You open Your Way….
I love You, Lord! Thank You! Amen!!!
Writing – with Your discernment
Jan 15th
12 January 2010
Prov 2:3 For if you cry for discernment, lift your voice for understanding; 4. If you seek her as silver and search for her as for hidden treasures; 5. then you will discern the fear of the LORD and discover the knowledge of God. 6. For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. 7. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, 8. guarding the paths of justice, and He preserves the way of His godly ones. 9. Then you will discern righteousness and justice and equity and every good course. 10. For wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant for your soul; 11. discretion will guard you, understanding will watch over you, 12. to deliver you from the way of evil… 20. So you will walk in the way of good men and keep to the paths of the righteous. 21. For the upright will live in the land….
When I read these words, it was like I was hearing Your voice very clearly speaking to me, warning me (especially in regard to my recent idea about writing a local column) to be sure that my writing comes from You and is led by You… not that I am just “ multiplying words” for monetary gain, or even for personal recognition, or that I am just “delighting in words” for their own sake. But that my written (and spoken) words must be done with discernment, seeking the wisdom of God, in the fear of the LORD, “delivered from the way of evil.” Oh dear God, please let every word I write, every action I do, every thought I think, come from You alone. Please give me discernment; please help me truly “fear” – reverence, awe, worship – You alone! Please let it always be all for Your glory, not for my glory (or anyone else’s…) or my pocketbook etc. Thank You, Lord.
(The temptation to seek ways to “provision myself” … and to be noticed and praised… is awfully strong. Please keep me humble, and please keep me focused on loving, glorifying, serving You alone. YOU provide for Your children as they walk in Your way. Please give me discernment to discover the knowledge and wisdom and understanding and justice and righteousness and equity and every good course of God! of/from You! Thank You, Lord! Amen ?
Christmas musings
Dec 26th
December 25, 2009
Isaiah 9:6 “For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given, and the government will be upon His shoulders, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Thank You! Wow!
5:11 am Christmas morning. Sadly, no snow… but cold, nonetheless!
As always, awake early… and can’t go back to sleep. I should get up in a bit and make a coffee cake or some such, since I didn’t buy the “traditional” Christmas morning treats this year – eggnog and mini-boxed-cereals – or even pop tarts! I just wasn’t into the “Christmas spirit” if by that one means our “traditions.” Partly because we won’t be having our Christmas dinner until the 27th, with hubby working the holidays. Guess I’m already lonely for family too (even missing my mom and dad… and so few of our kids here – but Yay! We get to go to my daughter’s this morning!).
But I don’t know. There are other things too. I don’t have the energy, physically or emotionally, to get all “psyched up” or to rush around doing lots of baking and decorating and shopping and getting into debt more and more. And it really does seem “obscene” to me to spend tons of money on things that are over in an instant (and yes, I know we’ll have those “wonderful memories” of them… but we have so many memories already…), not to mention a house full of clutter that we really don’t need. I want to simplify. I already have a shed (and house ?) full of clutter (despite the 5 free yard sales worth of clutter – and the enormous piles of garbage – that I got rid of before we moved).
I’m glad to have a third world foster child this year! Now that seems Christmas-y! And I loved giving the street guys hair-cuts on Thursday! That was Christmas-y too! And love baking for them and such – that seems Christmas-y year-round!
If there’s something I miss about Christmas-past, I think maybe it is singing Christmas carols, especially going out caroling, but any singing Christmas songs in a group.
And lighting Advent candles, and the short meditations that go with them…
And praying together. Oh Papa! I am missing family time with You!!! It seems to me that the fancier our breakfasts and coffee times have become at the street ministry, the less time we have to really spend time with You. The crowds get bigger (which some would equate with success… though maybe it has more to do with more people in poverty…) but it feels like the family intimacy decreases at the same time.
Papa, I would love to watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas” again… I searched all those TV channels but couldn’t find it… maybe it’s just too “religious” for the “PC police” these days, so sad… Linus got it right. It is all about You, Jesus… and yet we so easily lose sight of You in the midst of all the rush and bustle and presents and food and lights and bells… and even the carols (and the snow… I wish, LOL!).
That’s pretty amazing how easily we do that…. lose sight of the Creator, the Almighty God of the universe (and of eternity beyond it!)… the Wonderful Counselor, the Savior of lost and dying mankind, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace… how is it that we so easily become blinded by the “cheap tinsel” we have strung up supposedly to honor You and “remind” us of You…
We shouldn’t need reminders. If we are truly walking with You, Your glory should blind us to all the foolish tinsel instead!
How does it happen, Papa? To me, too… Even when I am discontented with the tinsel, I still am finding it hard to rest in You and let You immerse me in Your glory and love.
Papa, this might sound really foolish… but how is it that I can feel lonely at the same time I am so aware of Your love, and want to love You back in return?
Papa, YOU ARE MY PASSION! But how do I express that? Everything I do seems so inadequate, so “not enough,” so “I want to do more! better!” And of course that is inevitable because I can never be “worthy” of Your love. My love-in-return can never hope to match up to the eternal perfect love of the God of all!!! In fact, any true love I have within me, to share with You and others, actually comes from You alone, from Your Spirit dwelling in me. It is truly NONE of me! (So maybe I’m just “trying” again???).
(But oh, Papa, I DO want to love You… together with others in Your family!! I long for united love in You! I want to worship You together! Like I read last night in Isaiah 6:3: “Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of His glory!”
Oh dear God, I do not want to be part of a people of insensitive hearts, dull ears, dim eyes… I do want to be part of a people who “see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and return and be healed.” (Isaiah 6:9-10).
That’s what I want for Christmas, Papa! Please?!? Thank You! Amen!
May it truly be a merry, joyful Christmas, dear Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit! Amen! I love You!
PS… a really cool thing just happened… I thought I’d do a quick early-morning facebook check before hubby gets home from working all night… and a young woman, a former student of mine from a dozen years ago or so, opened a chat line to wish me a merry Christmas! I loved it! It was a beautiful start to the day! A real Christmas blessing!
(Especially coming right after my beautiful start with You, Papa! ? thank You!)
toil vs grace
Dec 26th
December 16, 2009
“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.”
Thank You for this word of encouragement, Papa Father! You knew – of course – that I have felt discouraged, wondering if any “good” is coming of my “toil” … or if my “toil” is wrong-headed… or whatever.
What I “do” must be led by You… and then it is by Your grace… and the timing and results are up to You…
doing…being…
Dec 26th
December 13, 2009
It’s snowing! And sticking! Yay!
You know I’ve been kind of trying to figure out some aspects of my walk with You… like whether I’ve been getting out of balance… too much “do-ing” and not enough focused time “be-ing” in relationship with You.
(Not to mention spending too much time watching TV and face-book-ing…) (and still feeling like I really want to “dig into the word,” maybe teaching or at least facilitating) (and wanting to “practice hospitality” out of my own home)…
What do YOU want from me, I wonder? Guess I’ll just have to walk alongside You day by day, and see what You bring along!
basking in the glow of conversation with You… learning the Word 2007 programs… reasons for that job…
Nov 7th
November 6, 2009
Well, I set the alarm for 6:00 am, then work just before 5:00 am. I was about to go back to sleep when I heard Your very quiet, still voice asking me to get up then. Of course, physically I hesitated, even mentally and emotionally – but at the same time, in my spirit, I knew I heard the voice of Your Spirit… and I just longed to obey! I was happy! Joyful! (And I still am – basking in that glow of clear conversation – prayer! Meditation! Hearing Your voice and obeying with love and joy! – with You, my Lord and my God – my Papa, my elder Brother, Your Spirit united with my spirit, guiding me into all Truth and teaching me “all things” – You, the Way, the Truth, the Life-giver – the Life!!! Thank You! amen!
So yesterday I worked… I am so enjoying learning the ins and outs of the 2007 Word programs! I am confident You have a reason for me learning them – and I am confident You have many reasons for me being in that job right now! Even being a sounding-board for people to speak and sort out the “jumble” in their minds and hearts, without it going further (Papa, Father, sometimes it is SO hard for me to keep it from going further… and sometimes I fail… I was going to say, “I fail a little,” but failure is failure, sin is sin. Not a gradient! Please forgive me – I AM sorry – and help me just to LISTEN.
… later… Well, after Friday coffee, and a nice visit with L, and some grocery shopping for Your family’s needs (what an amazing sale, Papa! Wow! Thank You!)… I’ve spent the rest of the day typing my journal. I’m up to the beginning of November now, and into this new journal I got from my daughter. Hope to get it finished – and posted – tomorrow.
The camera memory card arrived in the mail today from my daughter (we accidentally left it at her place in Edmonton…), so hope to get that downloaded to the computer, then post on fb and flickr maybe, and on dropbox for my kids!
Had nice chats with my daughters (and an old family friend!) yesterday and today.
I hear lots of rest is a good way to protect from swine flu… so guess I better hit the sack! Please look after people, Papa! Thank You! Amen! (I’m really tired! J )
WOOHOOO!!! I AM FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH MY JOURNAL TYPING!!!!
catching up with fall-back time!
Nov 7th
Nov 2, 2009
Anyway, work was fine today. A funny thing happened… Shortly after 1 pm I was all set to go home… until W pointed out it was only shortly afer12 pm! I had forgotten to set back both the church clock and my watch! Embarrassing! Lol!
This afternoon I finally sat down again and worked on typing my journal notes… but only got to Sept 10 so far… Maybe I can get a bit more done before bedtime?
However, that which I have managed to type today has been a wonderful reminder that God is in charge!!!!
… later… How tired am I? Tired enough to hit the sack this early (7:39 pm)! I did a bit more typing, up to Sept 14 I think… Some great times with You, Papa! Jesus! Holy Spirit! – My God! Thank You!! J
Oh, I didn’t even do any NaNoWriMo… But I did just type what You were speaking, back then, to me… about writing STORIES – stories, real stories, alive, from You, about You, and Your children, Your family, Your great love and mercy and compassion and amazing provision and all! Wow!
Some time in Your Word now (listening to You), then praying (talking to You), and then to sleep (well, that’s MY plan… Never know, YOUR’s might be different J)… and then up early tomorrow morning to spend more time – focused time – with You! (When my brain is wider awake… lol!)…
no worries… You’re in charge!
Nov 7th
October 15, 2009
Up about 5:30 am. Worked on organizing my computer desk and stuff. Made list of things to remember for the trip. Papa, hubby still hasn’t had clearance from his work regarding his application for days off – Well, Papa, I already asked You to please take care of it, so I’m not going to worry! Thank You!
I dropped Little Red off at the garage as it turned out the motor mounts were broken, and we need to have them taken care of right away. Will pick it up after work.
