December 13, 2009

A friend wrote, “Somewhere, deep inside you there is a Quiet Presence of Peace… If you are like me, you do not find that quiet Presence to be your ‘normal’ experience; you find a million pictures that play like a video through your mind, robbing you of the quietness you long for, stealing your sleep.”

And I replied: You’re right! It’s something I have to be aware of all the time… It just seems so many things (ideas, “causes,” “important” activities etc etc etc) are constantly stealing a corner here, a corner there… like a beautiful, complete jigsaw puzzle, with pieces being covered up, one by one, by splotches of black ink.

And then my friend gave some examples of things that distract us from His Presence, and ended up with: “But behind them all, if only you could see it again, is the Picture of His Presence, the one that takes you back to Him, the On Who promised never to leave you, back to peace.”

And I responded: Yes, this is the point, the key!!! And why, I wonder, when is His Presence is so incredibly wonderful and perfect, do I keep allowing so many silly things to distract me? And how do I know what is silly, what is necessary, what is just dreaming, what is priority? When I had a house full of kids and life just went 100 miles an hour every minute every day, it seemed like I didn’t have time to waste time (and in some ways it was easier back then to consciously set aside a solid block of focused time with God… because I knew that otherwise it wouldn’t happen… but now it seems like, oh well, if I let it go this time, I can make it up later because I’m not so overwhelmingly occupied… but then I don’t… and sadly ha ha, I run out of energy “later” a lost easier than I used to…) (on the other hand, back then it more like seemed that I had to really focus on recognizing God’s Presence, and so that “focused” time was necessary… but now I am a lot more aware of His Presence throughout the day.. and I think sometimes I take that for granted or something, and maybe begin to think I really don’t need to set aside “focused” time… and yet, I really do need to!!!)

I do think that each person has to find the “technique” (which changes!) that Papa has (at any given time) for the relationship between Him and them. He has made us all different… and “The Daily Bread” (or whatever) is therefore NOT for all of us! For me, the journaling thing is really helpful. And early in the morning is really important (because my brain is dead about 5 pm, and the middle of the day is full of demands from work and family and such that seem unavoidable…) (and that used to be “my time” … but now, it seems like God has led me into involvement with “street ministry” … and 4 days a week I have to be there EARLY … and I just keep missing out on my time with Papa… and the street ministry activity, “important” as it is, seems to me to be more DOING FOR than BEING WITH Him… hmmm…. That just really hit me while I am writing this… that’s what happens when I’m journaling, just like that Papa speaks to me… but when I’m “doing” I just don’t seem to hear His voice that much… but we’re “supposed to” “love in action” aren’t we? But I NEED that focused time… when my mind is fresh and clear…) (See, it’s the “good” things, the “right” things – apparently – that seem, to me, to end up most easily being distractions).

My friend wrote: “I am convinced that when Jesus withdrew to His quiet places He did not fill the ether with verbiage. He simply shut off, for those hours, all the pictures and all the cries. Just for awhile, he ‘clicked away’ all the scenes of all the lepers, the half, the lame and the blind. For a few hours he forgot about the training of the twelve. He experienced the Father, the Presence behind the pictures and gained His strength from Him.”

Yes. I need my early morning time with Papa. Now what? Oh dear. Was this letter a wake-up call to me from Papa? If so, why would He have led me into a “ministry” and a job that take up those wonderful, clear, morning hours? I need to have a long, focused talk with Him about that… right away!

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