conversations, meditations, reflections
Prayers & Meditations
Some interesting ways You’ve been talking to me!
Mar 6th
5 March 2010
Woke up 4:20 am. Spent some time sitting by hubby in front of the TV watching a bit of Stargate… then checked face book… and sent an email or two… then had a bit of breakfast… and then a shower… followed by a long soak in the tub: first real “bath” (other than many showers, of course) in this house, lol! My toes are finally really clean from last summer’s very ground-in dust, from wearing bare feet or sandals for so long! Anyway…)
Hoo boy! Father, You sure have had some interesting ways of talking to me in the past day or two:
- facebook statuses
- scriptures I “just happened upon” when a planner fell open
- email letter I was writing to a friend, that turned into a conversation with You
- that guy who I’d never met before, and who just dropped into the office… and we ended up having a long conversation – with You in the midst of it, eh!
- a caring phone call
- and just now, that blog email that just arrived…
I did try to “read scripture and hear Your voice” last night, but I really didn’t get “grabbed by it” … but meanwhile You chose to speak to me in so many other ways…
Not to mention, as well, the glorious sunshine yesterday that kept popping through no matter how hard the clouds tried to stop it! It was as much as 16 C by 2 pm! Wow!
And I learned a lot about my “giving questions” when I was talking to that guy who dropped into the office… and then there was the happiness and joy I saw in those street folks when they received shampoo and body wash, such a simple thing, and yet so wonderful to them! ….
And then that blog email spoke to me very clearly about how “me-focused” I’ve become – or maybe have been all along, oh dear… in this whole business at work…
Not to mention, also, how You’ve encouraged me… and opened my eyes to Your greater vision about Your church… and about helping the poor, too!
(You can find more on this at : “My Church Journey” at http://normajhill.blogspot.com/ … Feel free to check it out if you are interested!)
I love the surprise and adventure of giving my days to You!
Mar 6th
01 March 2010
Good morning Father!
Please be with me every moment of today! I do give it all to You – for my joy and pleasure and contentment, just as for Yours! I love giving my days to You! I love the sense of adventure, knowing that You can be counted on to make my days far more interesting and unexpected and delightful than what I would plan myself (of course I do make plans… but I love being flexible to let You turn them upsidedown if You so desire!). I love that You love me, and that I can totally depend on You to provide a day that is totally for my good, for the good of others I will be with, and for the increasing good and wonder of our relationship – Yours and mine – and by extension, all my other relationships where You place me.
I love that You do delight in letting me make “my plans,” especially when in the making of them I allow You the flexibility to surprise me! Sometimes, surely, the surprises aren’t at all what I would plan – and yes, sometimes I still do “worry” and get stressed and fail to trust that You are seeing the big picture and are working all things together for my good… hmmmm…. Guess that means I’m forgetting that You love me, because love is always kind and never fails, eh! Well, I’m sorry about that… but You do know my heart – and it is absolutely true that as I have been learning to trust You – as I have discovered that YOU REALLY AND TRULY DO LOVE ME! – my worry level has been dropping off significantly!
(Which is probably why when I fall into “little worries” now, I feel so sick and notice them so much more than before: because they are no longer a “regular part” of my life, so I’m not used to their effects! Yes! Oh Father, I long to reach the point of trusting Your love so deeply tat I cease “falling into worry” – cease doubting Your love! At all!) (And, yes, cease listening to the insidious whispers of my flesh and of the enemy).
Ha! Anyway, I know Your surprises are always for my good, and so very, very often they come in the form of blessings that I can see and enjoy right here and now, right in the moment! (Which is why I’m becoming more and more inclined to also view and expect the seemingly “unpleasant surprises” to be “blessings in disguise” … just as I can look at an ugly little caterpillar and already see in my mind’s eye the beautiful butterfly it will one day become! Or look at a tiny, bare, brown seed, and see in my mind’s eye the beautiful flower it will one day become! So then I begin to see the beauty and delight even in the “ugly caterpillar” or the “bare, brown, seed” kinds of events and circumstances that sometimes cross my days… A lot of beauty and delight in them! Hurrah!
(To you, the reader: this bit of writing is part of an ongoing series of blogs over at another of my blog sites: “My Church Journey” at http://normajhill.blogspot.com/ … Feel free to check it out if you are interested!)
What if Facebook never existed? and other aspects of my life!
Feb 27th
February 23, 2010
Well, thank You, Father, for keeping me in the JOY department today!
I did a lot of “listening” and “shouldering” at work… oh Papa, please DO YOUR WORK there! Thank You!
This afternoon I boiled 4 dozen eggs and already had 2 dozen boiled and ready in the fridge, so that’s 6 dozen ready for street church breakfasts/coffee times .. and I baked 4 pans of scones: some as pigs in blankets (with those little cocktail wieners), some as mini pizzas (with sausage, ketchup, Italian seasoning, cheddar), and some topped with cheddar slices. So I have enough made up for the next 3 days… and will therefore have available some early morning time with You instead of rushing around doing last minute prep! Also made a big crock pot of chili! Yummm!
My poor daughter – her hard drive on her computer bit the dust, so she “lost” everything on it as she hasn’t backed up for some time, oh dear! Well, it motivated me to get busy and back up my own pictures and documents on my external hard drive. (Thanks for that wonderful device, Lord!)
A friend on face book posted this as her status: “MAY I ASK? WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING RIGHT THIS MINUTE IF FACEBOOK NEVER EXISTED? BE HONEST WITH ME!”
Well, that certainly hit me right between the eyes – because face book was the first thing I did this morning – and I realized immediately that I would have been deep into prayer and Your word right then if there was no face book!
So I copied the words onto a document, enlarged them to big letters – and posted that question right above my computer!
Well, I haven’t totally “fasted” from face book today … but I must say I’ve gone to it a lot less that I might otherwise have done!
Maybe it will also mean a lot more time for writing. I was listening to CBC Radio in the car yesterday. They were interviewing a couple writers (both women) and asked for advice for would-be-writers – and their number one piece of advice was to “write for at least 20 minutes every single day!” Yep! That’s what I need to do!
Getting ready to move on?
Feb 27th
February 22, 2010
I’ve been wondering, Papa, if maybe You are preparing me to move on to other things (my ponderings about the reasons why can be found over on my blog “My Church Journey” at http://normajhill.blogspot.com/ ). I’ve been a bit worried, I have to admit, about what kind of job I could get that would allow me time off when I need it to go and visit my daughters when their babies arrive (three of them are expecting within the next few months), and allow me to take vacation time with my husband in the summer, and all…
And I was talking to my friend P on the phone today, and she said she and her women’s group are trying to decide on a new Bible study topic, and someone suggested the book of Acts, and she had right away said, “Oh! It would be so great to have Norma help us with that!” (and I remembered wonderful studies I’ve been part of in the past…)
And then I got another one of those Sheila Wray Gregoire emails today about a program she has developed about “Raising up new speakers” … in fact, she has a whole blog about it (and I remembered times I’ve spoken to women’s groups in the past…)
And I got an email recently asking me if I would be willing to tutor their child (and I remembered how much I enjoyed tutoring in the past…)
And I’ve had such a wonderful time lately with facebook photos, writing, chatting online, and journaling and blogging, and the online groups I have started… so on and on… and all those encouraging and helpful emails from the Zen Habits blog guy…
And I’m wondering if You really are preparing me to STEP OUT into something new, something that is more flexible and might allow me to go here and there, and do this and that, whenever and wherever You open Your Way….
I love You, Lord! Thank You! Amen!!!
Peaceful time with my Father…
Feb 13th
13 February 2010
When I woke this morning, my mind was really whirling, and I felt like I was totally in the middle of this huge storm with stuff flying all around me… and then I said, “Dear Papa…” and instantly I was in this circle of perfect calm! I could still feel the storm swirling all around me (and actually see it in the dream I was having just before I woke), but there was this perfect stillness in the small circle where I stood, and my mind just stopped whirling and my heart beat slowed right down….
And I was in a spot of total peace and calm and rest – with YOU!!!! (I haven’t had a lot of calm this week, Papa. It has been really busy… and kind of stressful, especially related to work… and I have to admit I haven’t taken the time to just sit back, and spend focused time relaxing in Your Presence.
Here’s an interesting thing: I think I have felt that “focused” time in Your Presence “should” be “redeemed time” in which I study hard, pray a lot, write hard, listen hard… but maybe I am missing something important:
- Your rest!
- Your peace!
- Allowing You to renew my strength!
- Enjoying YOU!
“Come unto Me, all you are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest… for My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:27)
(Thank You, Papa! I see! In my eagerness to serve You, and to serve people, too – I’ve been depending upon myself more and more, and forgetting that it is really all YOUR work. No wonder I’ve been tired, and had non-stop dreams, and felt sick to my stomach, and so on – I have stepped out of YOUR arms, out from under Your wings, and have gotten swept into the storm! Please forgive me!
I see how absolutely essential it is to purposefully not only “practice Your presence” all the time, but to daily set aside time to clear my mind and heart – and body … [I see! That last part relates to fasting, doesn’t it – and healthy eating and healthy exercise, too, doesn’t it?!?! Wow! Cool! ?)
And I see how essential it is to just sit at Your feet like Mary – who did the “better thing” … it’s so easy to get caught up in the “serving” and become a Martha … teach Me, Lord, to sit at Your feet! Please! Amen!
Thank You.
“Evil” questions?” “Should’s?” Papa, can You be my Mama too?
Feb 5th
5 February 2010
Papa, please take care of my auntie (and uncle, and their kids)…
Oh dear God… how can You let people who’ve loved You and served You all their lives, get dementia??? It just seems so wrong… and yes, evil….
I wonder, in their lost world of scattered bits of long-ago memories… do You really stay there with them all the time; I mean, do You at least give them constant peaceful awareness of Your Presence, when they seem to have lost pretty much everything else???
I’m pretty sure You sent angels to my mom – maybe she even saw You, dear Jesus – at the end… but what about that last year or so when she was just kind of curled up and it seemed like she wasn’t hardly aware of anything… but obviously she was “conscious” enough to still experience pain and cold and maybe even feelings of loneliness and stuff?? (Not to mention the several years before that when she was steadily “losing it” … and for a long time, she knew it, and was often so distressed by it?? If it “has to be” can’t You at least “hurry up” the process in that awkward, in-between time??
Are these “evil” questions?? I guess they were questions I had along the way, but didn’t dare to ask or whatever, when mom was going through all that… but to be honest, I’m having a harder time now with my auntie going through it – not really because she is so far away, or because I don’t really have words of comfort for the family, or whatever – but maybe mostly because my auntie offered to be my “substitute mom” during and after all that, and I accepted… and she really was there for me when I needed my mom… and now I feel as though I just cannot go through “losing my mom” again like that!
I know I “should have” Job’s integrity and righteousness, and face this with the words, “Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?”
(But how can You take my mom away – slowly and painfully – twice??? Or have I still not learned to trust in You alone? Is that what this is about?)
(I’ve been happy to kind of be a “shoulder” for my cousin as she goes through this… but now I have no “shoulder” for myself… or… well, yes, I do! I have You!) (But maybe in viewing You as my Papa/ Father/ Daddy, I’ve still been needing a “mommy” … and a lot of folks out there think that’s a bit heretical…) (though it isn’t, of course) (Thank You for helping me see this).
(And yes, I guess I should phone them and visit with them and encourage them…. Please help me…)
Boasting that we understand and know You!
Feb 5th
31 January 2010
Prov 9:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
Jer 9:23 Thus says the LORD, let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; 24 but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the LORD.
Yes! Our “pride,” our “boasting” is, must be, in the LORD alone!
You keep calling me to time with You
Feb 5th
30 January 2010
The last couple nights I’ve been dreaming a lot, unsettling dreams. Anyway, I woke up early this morning from yet another dream, and I was really tired. I didn’t want to wake up and get up at all, and I even prayed that You would help me get some peaceful sleep. But at first I couldn’t sleep, and so I figured I’d try praying a bit, but instead of sitting up and turning on the light, I stayed snuggled down in my warm, comfy bed in the dark, and of course I couldn’t focus, and my mind just wandered. Finally, I did fall back asleep, right into yet another unsettling dream – one in which I dreamed I was sleeping and dreaming! And in that dream an alarm clock woke me up – and I realized that You were waking me, calling me to time with You – so I really woke up, sat up and turned on the light – and here I am!
(It was amazingly clear how I knew in my dream-within-a-dream that the alarm ringing was certainly from You! And another thing – I knew, even in the inside-dream, that the alarm ringing was itself part of the dream, not from a “real” alarm clock!).
Well, I’m wide awake now! Thank You! To Your word – Oh dear God, please speak to my spirit by Your Spirit, and teach me Your words, give me Your understanding and knowledge and wisdom, and oh dear God, make it a real, live, active part of my life – please draw me into ever closer, active, walking relationship with You – truly knowing You, loving You, obeying You, worshiping and glorifying You!
Updating my websites, e-groups etc – but getting distracted from Your word and prayer
Feb 5th
29 January 2010
I’ve added 4 articles to the home school section of my website – things I wrote in the past, but now have revamped for the site ( http://www.penandpapermama2.com – Conversations, Reflections and Meditations). I also finally actually wrote three “Penticton Pedestrian” snippets from notes I recorded in mid-January, and posted them on the Penticton Writers Yahoo group (which now has 3 members)…
My high school group on facebook now has 27 members, and I sent out more invitations. I do wish people would get more involved in the discussions!
I haven’t been spending as much time as I should in Your word and in prayer. I really need to spend focused time in the early morning, right in bed before I get up, because if I get up first, I get distracted! Of course sometimes that isn’t possible, with hubby and I having such different schedules, and with the early morning coffee times I am a part of. Guess I just need to be more self-disciplined about giving into distractions (especially ones like facebook – Praise the Lord, I’m not so distracted by TV these days! Thank You!).
Less than 2 days before my daughter comes to visit. She said she was reading my “Mothers Journey” site (http://mothersjourney.shawwebspace.ca ) – see seemed kind of amazed, lol!
Urge to pray perseveringly – for what? For Your will! For victory over the enemy’s attacks!
Feb 5th
28 January 2010
Just woke up this morning with a need to pray for someone… for Pastor P, I think …. I don’t know the details, all I can pray is that the enemy’s efforts to block God’s work downtown will be overcome…. and that God will give Pastor P godly wisdom and truth in what he says, and the end result of the downtown association meeting this morning will be in fulfillment of God’s purposes alone, and in God’s way and timing, and all and only for God’s – Jesus, Father, Holy Spirit’s – glory alone. (Where did all that come from? I didn’t even know who to pray for… but started anyway… and then the person’s name came… and then details! That is how the Spirit works!).
I still feel urged to keep on praying…
Dear God, whatever this urgent situation is, whether it is what I think it might be about, or something else altogether (maybe even other people, too… maybe You are calling me to go on to pray for others… my children and grandchildren and families perhaps; or people in Haiti or elsewhere in trouble; or maybe D&L (haven’t seen them for awhile; please take care of them, Papa); or whatever, whoever You have in mind for me to pray for… oh Father, there are so many needs everywhere! But oh dear God, whatever it is You are calling me to pray for (and I do think it is especially about Pastor P and his outreach…) please – Your will be done, and You be glorified! Victory in Jesus!!!
I just tried to start my Bible reading – but You are saying, “Keep praying!” This is a BATTLE, isn’t it? Dear God, please be victorious! Father, with one word from Your lips, all evil could be banished… and yet You choose to let Your children battle through prayer, and even have Your angels battle the fallen ones (like in the story of Daniel)… and it can take a long time (and it does seem like the enemy often surges forward and wins many skirmishes and battles along the way…)
(And yet… we know the final outcome – we know You win the great war, and that good prevails and evil is destroyed – we know that Jesus brought the victory, the life eternal, the restored relationship between You and Your children, once and for all, on the cross – 2 thousand years ago!)
(I just re-read The Last Battle of Narnia (by C S Lewis) again, recently – and the children and the good Narnians are broken-hearted, for it appears that the good and true Narnia has been defeated once and for all time, and is no more – but then the dark stable door is opened, and they step through, thinking it is the end – only to discover that it is truly only the beginning, and that the real, true Narnia is alive and growing and wonderful and will last forever, and that Aslan will never again be far away from them!)
Well, then, satan: Persevering prayer is necessary! (Since you were sitting on my shoulder this morning, suggesting that one little prayer should be enough, and reminding me of times when I prayed perseveringly in the past, and yet it seemed like nothing good happened, and sometimes it even seemed like things got worse… but as I reminded you, the one thing I prayed most perseveringly about (and am still praying about), and which seemed for a long, long time to become only darker and more hopeless, has finally, years later, begun to break out gloriously into God’s light and life – and I KNOW the darkness can never overtake it again!
You simply don’t want us to pray perseveringly, enemy! Because you know that persevering prayer is “mighty to save!” You know God uses the persevering prayers of His children to fulfill His purposes and draw His children into ever-closer relationship with Him! Persevering prayer destroys your own plans and purposes, satan, and you can’t stand it! You fear it! You know that the war is already won, and that any little apparent wins for your side in the ongoing battles and skirmishes you launch, are only temporary, and that your time is growing shorter every day.
(Papa! I asked You just a few days ago about “persevering prayer” and now You have answered – in a mighty, hands-on way! Not just “words,” but yes, in the thick of the battle! Thank You! Amen! ? Praise the Lord! ? )
Psalm 24:8 Who is the King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle! … 10… The LORD of hosts, He is the King of glory!
1 Thess 5:17 pray without ceasing
Jude 20 praying in the Holy Spirit
Acts 1:14 devoting themselves to prayer
Philippians 4:6 in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving… and the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus
Ephesians 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. 11. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13. Therefore, take up the full armor of God [truth, righteousness, gospel of peace, faith, salvation, the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God], so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm!
