February 4, 2009
Isn’t it amazing how our presuppositions can blind us to the truth even when the truth is right before us and clear and obvious?
First thing I read this morning: (which I’d recorded 7 years ago… and yet these are lessons I am still learning…)
“The opportunity is often lost by deliberation” (but … not by stopping to pray first…)
“No service in itself is small/ None great, though earth it fill/ But that is small that seeks its own/ And great that seeks God’s will.
WOW!. Again!
The Truth Project presentation today was about “Theology” and asked the “big question” : “Who is God?”
An interesting thought: When we come to know God – we come to know ourselves. That is why the world attacks God’s character and His Word – seeing and knowing God and His Word exposes our own pretensions.
Okay, so the video asked this huge question: “Who is God?” And, as this video series generally does, it asks more questions than gives answers. And that of course forces the viewer to think – and to question oneself, and what one has “accepted as truth” … and then to question the underlying presuppositions that lead to that belief… and to face up to the pretensioness, the empty pride we have in our own ability to “know and understand and answer”…. hoo boy….
And, yes, I got angry, upset! …. well, here’s what I wrote, as I struggled to face my own presuppositions and pretensions…
When I listen to ___, (in the discussion after the video), it seems to me that he takes these big questions and quickly reduces them to “very simple” answers… and I am frustrated by that, because maybe I’m still at the point where I want “details” and stuff… but then, I think, maybe he really is a lot further along the journey than I am (older, more educated, more experienced… even knowing You a lot longer), and maybe he’s actually gotten free of the tangled bush, and really can clearly see the whole forest, the big picture… and he has found out that the big answers to the big questions are actually simple after all?!?!?
(And so maybe he doesn’t even “worry” about things that I worry about… like church structure, which I just spent another day trying to sort out, to comprehend…. I mean, I know he sees that whole question in a lot simpler terms than I do, and he doesn’t get all tangled up about it, because (I suppose) he knows the answer… he knows what he knows, so to speak… Or… perhaps he just doesn’t see it as important to “discover the whole truth about it” or whatever??? hmm… when I say that, I feel guilty… like I’m gossiping, slandering… because I really don’t think he is like that… Maybe I’m just saying that because I’m frustrated… how can it seem so easy for him? Why is this whole questioning, wondering, seeking thing so hard for me?… My tummy hurts…)
Really, I don’t want to “get lost in the details”… but could it be that I am wasting time and energy (and foolishly getting myself into dangerous waters…) with all my “wanting to know”? So… how does one find the “right balance” (or whatever) between intellectual knowledge, and knowing who/what you know… knowing as relationship… like God revealing Himself to us in His Word… and by His Spirit… but… isn’t it true that without the Spirit of God illuminating it, making it alive, the Word of God can end up serving for nothing … “listening they do not hear, and looking they do not see” or words to that effect? … on the other hand, the Spirit of God gives you that “knowing God” from the “knowledge of God” gained from what He has revealed about Himself through His Word (and His creation, and His interactions with His creation, with us)… oh dear… so maybe it isn’t a matter of “balance” after all… but more like total integration… and as usual it’s way beyond me…. my head is hurting…
……. later ……… So the big question was, “Who is God?” … and after the video I was feeling so amazed… and thinking, Wow, there is so much more and more and more to know about You… and so much more “knowing You” …. infinitely more…
And then ___ said something to the effect of: “The answer is easy. God is love! And how to we know that? The book of 1st John tells us… and God’s Spirit makes it real to our spirit, so we know about it… and we know Him.” Okay, so that’s true… But oh God, it seems to be that wrapping up that huge question so neatly like that is like skicking the question – like sticking You – into a neat little gift box, and tying a nice big bow around it, and then just setting it on a shelf to be admired (and maybe eventually to be ignored and gather dust)….
On the other hand, maybe thinking like this (with anger, frustration… even spitefully!) means I just have a bad attitude… So why am I crying? And why do I wish I was kind of slow-brained or at least content with just simple answers?
(By the way, I totally do not find the statement, “God is love,” to be a simple answer… to me, it is profound way beyond our limited human intellectual or emotional understanding… but the way it was presented as “the answer” to that “Who is God?” question, made it sound so simple (ummm… shallow simple … vs profound simple…) … and then it was like no one there could think of anything else to say… like maybe to say anything else would be to show doubt in You or something…
Right after the video, before that answer was offered, people seemed to be kind of speechless, just sitting there, not saying a word. I know I was, because for me at least, I was left with such a sense of awe at the very question, “Who is God”? … at the infinite Truth of You… of Your infinity…
And then came that “Oh! It’s easy! The answer is, of course, “God is love!” simple wrap-up… and after that, everybody was still pretty much speechless.
Of course I can’t speak for the others. Maybe it really did answer the question for them. Maybe they were just still processing, and not ready to venture their own thoughts. Who knows? But for me, my speechlessless came from feeling like a lid had been slammed down on Your amazing light that had just started to stream out….
But maybe this is all just stupid rambling on my part…. Oh, what if it is? What if I’m all wrong, after all – or at least all wrong-headed about this whole thing?….
….. sleeping on it….. February 5 ….
I woke up in the wee hours of this morning, all ready to continue being distressed about this whole “Big questions – simple answers?” thing…
And suddenly, in the quiet of those midnight moments, Your voice came so clearly, so gently and peacefully, with such certainty… in the words of an old hymn. And instantly – I had great, total peace – and I fell right back to sleep (most unusual for me!)
I also instantly lost the words of that hymn… but when I awoke this morning, once again Your voice was speaking… I don’t know if it is the same hymn You spoke into my heart during the night, but once again, expecting to pick up my distress of yesterday, instead You gave me… peace. Those words:
What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer.
And I realized… that is right! What a privilege! I’ve been wanting to discuss my “wonderings” with other people… including my frustrations with ___ and his “it’s simple” answers (but knowing that I shouldn’t – can’t – because doing that is going to just turn into slander and gossip… and I don’t want to go there anymore) …
BUT I CAN bring all these things to You – because You do know ALL ABOUT IT. You do have ALL THE ANSWERS. You have every situation UNDER CONTROL. You know my needs, my heart, far more than I myself do… and everyone else’s too…. So I can TRUST You to take care of it all…
I can trust You to ANSWER MY QUESTIONS, to satisfy my longings, to take away my sense of aloneness, to bring peace to my distresses… as You (when I allow You to, invite You to) show me what YOU KNOW that I really do need to know, and as You teach me (for the rest) to trust in Your wisdom, Your omniscience, Your grace and lovingkindness – and so I can rest in Your perfect love! (Thank You!)
I can trust you to overcome (even – amazing at it seems – use to good purpose) my own failings, which by “rights” should produce very negative consequences not only in my life, but in the lives of my kids, my husband, and so many others – yet You keep “working all things for good” to those who love You and are called according to Your purposes (even when they fail… repeatedly…)
I can trust You, too, for my childrens’ relationships with You – trust You to bring them (as You have been doing for me, all my life, though I so often fail to see or appreciate it) out of their doubts and hurts and, yes, questions, and into Your perfect, infinite, saving love.
I can trust You to do Your perfect work in the life of every one of Your children (and I can trust You to teach me to stop assuming they share the frustrations – the same lack of trust in You, oh dear – that I have shown)
I see… yes, I do… just now… that, for example, while some folks do perhaps get blinded by things like church and educational structures, which I’ve been (yikes!) priding myself on rising above…. I myself also get blinded: by worry too much about those issues, spending huge amounts of time and energy trying to solve them in my own mind, trying to find the “answers” myself…
Failing to truly bring those questions to You, the Master Answerer… accepting the wise responses You are willing to share when I actually bring the questions to You… and leaving the rest, hands-off, at Your feet, at the feet of the cross…
“Burdens down, Lord, burdens down, Lord, Now I lay my burdens down…
Glory, glory, hallelujah! Since I’ve laid my burdens down!
You ARE in control! YOU ARE MY FRIEND, JESUS! You are the friend who I’ve been feeling so lonely for. You are the friend who promises (and keeps those promises!) to be always with me, always ready to listen, always caring for me and loving me (despite how messed-up I can be)…. You are the friend who IS working all thing out for good for me (and for all those who love You, who have been called by You… )
And is that not also true of Your bride, Your church (about whom I have questioned, and wondered, and been frustrated, and even felt despair…)? Yes! Everyone one of us, birthed in nakedness and disgrace, rolling around in the dirt, like in the propeht’s vision… and You have come along, and lifted us out of the dirt, and cleaned us off, and cared for us, and watched over us as we are growing up… slowly and faithfully changing us, perfecting us – and most amazing of all, taking us, children born in illigitimacy, children of whoredom, born in sin… and slowly, carefully, lovingly, You are transforming us into Your – get this! – into YOUR BRIDE – the bride of the Christ, the bride of the Son of God – of God Himself! You are preparing us for the great wedding banquet! Unimaginable!
(And yes, You planted that “wedding banquet” image in my mind, clearly, a couple days back… preparing me for this moment when You would, in Your infinite wisdom and perfect love and timing, bring at least some of the answer – probably as much as I can possibly handle right now! – to questions I’ve been worrying over for so long… bringing a bit of the answer here, a bit of the answer there, bringing those bits together… to form fuller, growing, amazing answers to the questions I’ve been struggling over for so, so long… I’ve been seeking, searching, with so little success…
But You, Jesus – my friend! – have been preparing my heart to receive Your answer – not the answer I expected, but a bigger, greater, deeper, more profound, wonderful answer… an answer that turns me toward Your glorious light shining onto a path in which the answers to my “big questions” will just … blossom! expand!… and yet, at the same time…
Seem SO SIMPLE! Good simple! Profound simple! Wow! (And if someone had tried to explain this to me before, I’m sure I would have missed the profoundness of it, and remonstrated angrily, “But that’s too simple! I want a deep answer!”…
Now I look at it and realize that this answer – like all Your answers – is paradoxical: so simple a child can grasp it instantly and live joyfully and peacefully and trustingly in it – and yet so deep and profound and immense and eternal that anyone who care to, can go on “plumbing its depths” eternally (and joyfully and peacefully and trustingly… not with frustration and blindly… but with You, the great I AM…
You, THE EXISTENT ONE, IN WHOM ALL ANSWERS EXIST AND ARE COMPLETE… and yet the One Who wants to be my friend (1), and to Whom I can bring all my “sins and griefs… pain.. trials and temptations… troubles” … and all my questions, large or small… in prayer…
What a friend we have in Jesus/ All our sins and griefs to bear/ What a privilege to carry/ Everything to God in prayer./ O what peace we often forfeit/ O what needless pain we bear/ All because we do not carry/ Everything to God in prayer ….
Have we trials and temptations? / Is there trouble anywhere? / We should never be discouraged/ Take it to the Lord in prayer. /Can we find a friend so faithful/ Who will all our sorrows share? / Jesus knows our every weakness/ Take it to the Lord in prayer…
Are we weak and heavy laden, / Cumbered with a load of care? / Precious Savior, still our refuge/ Take it to the Lord in prayer. / Do you friends despise, forsake you? / Take it to the Lord in prayer / In His arms He’ll take and shield you/ You will find a solace there…
Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised / Thou wilt all our burdens bear/ May we ever Lord, be bringing/ All to Thee in earnest prayer. / Soon in glory bright unclouded/ There will be no need for prayer/ Rapture, praise and endless worship/ Will be our sweet portion there.
(by Joseph Scriven)
Thank You, dear Jesus, my friend!
You know, of course, that I’ll still no doubt be asking a lot of questions… but somehow, now, You have taught me that – oh my goodness!!! – that “trite” billboard phrase I’ve always regarded with disdain! – “CHRIST IS THE ANSWER!” And You’re also my Friend!!! (why, how, does that “so simple” word “friend” suddenly have so much more meaning, too? Wow!)
(And yes, I’ve read Ezekiel 16 many times… and was actually awestruck by the imagery of that passage… and understood it – to a degree – in terms of Jerusalem and the people of Israel … but never before have I seen it as You have just shown it to me – seemingly, to me, “out of nowhere” … You pulled the memory of that scripture passage out of some obscure corner of my memory banks! … and showed it to me, this morning, as a picture of Your great salvation, Your great love… You – God! … and of the work You are doing not only in every one of Your children individually (including me)… but also in Your church,…
And yes, individually, and as the church, together, we have “played the harlot” despite Your rescue and Your loving ministrations… but still You remember Your covenant with us, and forgive us, and even when we have to go through disciplining on account of our sin, You keep Your promise and You restore our captivity!
Wow! Verse 60 of Ezekiel 16 is also an amazing answer to my distress over Your children who have known You… but are wandering (just like me, so many times)…. Amazing grace!
“Amazing love! How can it be? That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?”
Thank You!
Oh! I just GOT IT!!! The truly deep answers (which are paradoxically the very simple answers) can not be properly understood intellectually alone… yes, they are “spiritually discerned” … Okay, I get it! (Well, starting to anyway! 
(my toes are dancing…)
