Pen 'n Paper Mama

Going through my journal from a year and a half ago…  Read this which I wrote back then, and thought I’d share it now!

April 11, 2007

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You for a new morning and for good health and for Your love and presence and care and purposes under control!

Father, all things are good in Your Presence. Even the things I don’t understand…

Father, I was wondering about why it seems like some people have things all figured out, and they so confidently present their experiences as Your will for everyone… yet, when one looks around, their experiences often seem to be extreme “exceptions to the rule.” I think of people like a certain Christian  financial advisor or the author of that book I read back when my grandson was born. They quote all kinds of scripture to back up their case (and it “sounds” good) and they point to all kinds of people who have followed these “Godly principles” and they pretty near guarantee the same results for the reader/ listener… but then I look at my own experience (and yes, I see “lack of faith” – and resultant lack of action – on my part, and circumstances like the family not in agreement – with me backing down sometimes because of fear or vain attempts to keep peace… but sometimes backing down because other principles, like submission, come into play) and I look at the extreme poverty of the majority of the world’s people (whom You also love, and for many of whom there is simply no chance – or is there? do You rescue individuals if they have “enough faith” or something – anyway, no chance due to wars and endless years of poverty, and oppression, and weather changes that bring droughts, and “acts of God” like earthquakes).

Long ago I concluded that the “health, wealth, and prosperity” gospel has irreconcilable flaws (because they totally deny self-sacrifice and giving up all for the Kingdom of God, which was always the example and teaching of Jesus and of the apostles and of the faithful in the early church – the true church/ believers – and the church down through the centuries. The “great blessings” are consistently found in Your unfailing Presence and relationship (knowing You!) and in unwavering trust in You even when all that can be seen or even “felt/ sensed” would shout out otherwise! Yes, sometimes You do bless people with material wealth, but it seems You do that so they can give it away!

But more often, for the majority of the world, there is sacrifice – sometimes even starving to death, or rotting in prison, or being executed (sometimes for their faith, but more often simply caught up in a vortex of evil that they can not control – and – here’s the clincher, Lord, and somehow it seems “evil” to even write it down – sometimes it seems like You aren’t doing anything about it at all, no matter how much people pray and sacrifice and trust you! And I know it’s all about our “eternal hope” and “resting in our knowing and experiencing and being in relationship with You” – and yes, I am finally coming to have some personal understanding and acceptance of that – but oh! How our physical bodies and the principles of the world fight back against that – and yes, even the “promises of scripture” which do promise “ask and it shall be given… overflowing” – and so many Old Testament scriptures “Test and see, says the Lord… your barns will overflow…” and in the New Testament, “the prayer of faith will heal the sick.”

Yes, part of that is picking verses out of context and twisting them to fit our plans and desires… and yes, Your purposes are the purposes of Your eternal Kingdom… and yes, we do eventually come more and more into submission to, and even great joy and peace and acceptance of, what the life in Christ is really about. But the journey to that point is so confused because of the desires of the old fleshly nature and the influences of worldly thinking… and even of so-called “Godly teaching” which maybe really isn’t. Oh how important to always go back to Your Word, and in doing so, submit always and totally to the teaching and guidance of Your Holy Spirit, and to all the circumstances You allow into our lives to mold us – and break us – into the new creatures You purpose us to be.

I have wondered at the stories of faith of people who are literally in grinding poverty, and worse (terrible health, wars, rapes, loss of homes, slavery, persecution to death) and yet they rejoice in You, and even set aside – sacrifice – from the very little they have, to You. Like those ladies in Asia who once a week set aside a handful of rice (for many of them a full day or two of food for their families, just going hungry to do it) and then bring it together and sell it to give to Your work.

Maybe it is “harder” when we have so much because the more we have, the more it costs to maintain it. I shudder at the “obscenity” of huge houses and multiple cars and eating out all the time (such an easy trap to fall into)… and how people can “afford” those things but can’t “afford” to tithe, etc. But then I look around my house and the obscenity of all the stuff I have that I rarely if ever use. I even wonder if my “writing” and stuff is just a waste of the precious time You give me, because so much of the world can’t even read at all, and am I really influencing anyone at all for You? Couldn’t I be using my time better? Maybe just inviting my neighbors for coffee? Move into a little 10 x 16 cottage with bare essentials and “free” my life up for You?

Do I really need all those books (on French, gardening, English literature, carpentry, drawing, music – even if it is “Christian”… even all my journals… and what about all those Bibles and commentaries and stuff…) and then there are all the knickknacks and fancy plates and crockery… I would love to use them for hospitality (but who even wants my “hospitality?” I’ve often wished I could invite homeless people in, or just have soup on all the time and hungry/ tired/ sad/ etc people in my “church” could feel free to drop in anytime… but I’m wrapped up with “work” and “family responsibilities” (and their views on these things which don’t necessarily line up with mine…) and my “writing” (is it really just “mine” after all?)

(I haven’t even read Your Word yet, and I have to go to teach in a little over an hour, and there is breakfast to make, laundry to fold, emails to catch up, journal work to do, the church vote tonight… Oh dear God – wake us up! Shake us up! And please – Your will be done!)

In Jesus’ name, dear Heavenly Father!

Please pour out Your Holy Spirit on me – and us! Please let my life today be to Your glory! In Jesus’ name, Amen!