Pen 'n Paper Mama

June 15, 2009 one more time!

Went walkabout with my son; being Monday, we added another section to our route. Then I did dishes, and then hubby and I drove the route I walk with my son - it worked out to 4.4 kilometers (half uphill, and half down!) which is less than he thought but more than I thought. Then hubby and I took a drive around town. After that I did this and that around the house, and then I practiced my guitar for quite a long time.

Lord, I have not been able to play the chords so easily for so long, maybe never before. It’s been so long since I could play - or sing - at all! And on Sunday at breakfast-in-the-park someone was suggesting to Pastor P. that he could lead in singing - but I really don’t think it is his thing! At all! (Pastor P. said he also needs to find someone to do some haircuts… I wonder if I could?) (Simple ones, anyway!)(Maybe I could!) (Father??) Well, which is it? Guitar and singing? Or haircutting? (Not to mention baking and coffee making and… maybe even quilt making?!? Oh Papa! Could this be “my old dream” coming true after all, only maybe in a way I really didn’t expect? Papa? Who knows? YOU DO! YOUR WILL BE DONE! Thank You, Lord! Amen!

I feel I must type my blog up-to-date.

Father, Your will - Your love - be done. Amen! Wow!

… later… So. I have been typing my blog… and hubby and I went to the grocery store because he just went to his doctor’s appointment and found out he has awfully high blood pressure. So we had to go and get a new diet for him. Hurrah! Food I love! lol! He isn’t very happy, having to give up his fats and sodium! But at least he already gets quite a lot of exercise on the job, and he doesn’t smoke or drink.

So after we got home I made a supper of skinned baked chicken (with Mrs. Dash spice; poor hubby almost wept watching me toss the chicken skin in the garbage!), and steamed spinach (which hubby likes - but missed his usual butter and salt!) and baked potatoes with low-fat sour cream… and no dessert! It was delicious! (in my humble opinion, lol!)

Oh! and I uploaded some pictures to hubby’s flickr account. And did lots more blog typing.

And now I’m going out for my evening walkabout (hoping it will rain tonight! It’s smelled like rain today and been humid! It would be so awesome for the garden and lawn! living water!)

June 15, 2009 yet again!

Yesterday afternoon as I was doing my “daily readings” I left my book marks sticking up at John 4 and Ephesians 3, for I felt that You had more to say to me from these passages. So let me look at them again…

John 4…. Father, I pray that You will give me boundless amounts of Your living water… and that I can pass it on to others so they will grow and become as strong and beautiful as You see them in Jesus, and that they will be a sweet scent and savour both to You and to all the world around them, and that in turn they will bring Your living water to so many others! Oh dear Jesus, Your water, please! I thirst! They thirst! Like the little lawn and garden in my yard that has, over a hard winter, become yellowed and scruffy and barren… and yet slowly, as I have trimmed, and watered (over and over) and raked and dug, and gathered and tossed the piles of fallen tree seed pods that were burying the grass, and added some fertilizer to the garden (thanks, Dan and Lily, it really has been a team effort!), and planted seeds in it… slowly but surely the bare spots in the lawn are filling in, and there is getting to be more green than yellow. And the dusty gray of the garden soil which seemed before to attract only cats (their smelly neighborhood litter box! yuck!) and a very few scraggly weeds, now has neat rows of lettuce, radishes, spinach, chives, parsley, tomato plants, strawberry plants… small, not yet ready for the harvest, but looking more beautiful and healthy day by day, in their rich black soil amendment added by Dan and Lily!

But, boy oh boy, in our dry, hot climate, if I don’t keep watering, it could all go back to that yellow, patchy, dusty, dying mess (even with digging, cleaning, fertilizing, raking…). Water, Lord! You! Living water, Father, Jesus, Sarayu! Pour it on, Lord! On me, on us (hubby and me), on my children and grandchildren and their families, on Your church, on the people I’m getting to know out on the streets… on all mankind! On Jason (Oh Father, heal his body, too), and C___ (use him,Father, to proclaim Your Word and share Your love, as he longs to do) and Jennifer (bless her for her kindness and friendliness and sweetness - she calls me “sweetie” but she’s the one who has blessed me, really… help me bless her, too) and Tim (Father, he went to treatment for 90 days, but came back in about 9… oh dear God, he needs Your living water so much), and Pastors J and P and C (pour Your living water into them, and then out of them, bringing life and refreshment and growth and greening and ripening harvest, just like the cold refreshing water that pours out of my garden hose onto my little lawn and garden…

Oh! I see! The “little” things You have me doing are like the “little” lawn and garden (postage stamp size, as they say), that I have here in my little yard, and that, even as small as it is, I have so much pleasure and joy and excitement watching them grow and green up and develop (every day, sometimes several times a day, I run outside to take another look! And to do a bit more work, add some more water, rearrange all those twigs in the garden so the cats don’t come in a dig it all up) - wow, just like You look down on Your little garden here in Penticton with love and joy and care and anticipation, and You keep on gently weeding and digging, and especially, watering with Your living water! And wonder of wonders, maybe my “little job” is being the garden hose, or the rake perhaps, or the garden fork, or even the little kitchen spoon I used to make rows for the seeds… these tools don’t seem very exciting or important, each one on its own, but they are all working together to transform a dusty, yellowed, dying landscape, very slowly but very surely into a beautiful green, growing, soon-ready-to-be-harvested garden - a small corner of a vision of a little paradise-to-be, imperfect as it still is (I can’t affford professional gardeners and landscapers to come in and make it instantly perfect, and anyway, that would take away all the joy and anticipation… and participation… and reality!)… as imperfect as it may always be, this side of eternity, but a joy nonetheless! Thank You!

(Oh my goodness - all that after reading just John 4:1-10??!! Wow! You are amazing, Father! Thank You! (No one has commented on my blog for ages… and then, just a few days ago, someone pointed me to the woman at the well: confirmation again!)

John 4:38 “I sent you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored and you have entered into that labor.” That’s how I feel about where I am at right now - entering into the labor of those who have already labored long and hard (always, of course, including You, Papa, number One, with Your graciousness in allowing others to help, to participate, to journey with You! Wow!), and now You’re allowing, inviting, guiding me into doing my small part… a cup of cold water in Your name - no matter how small or simple, it’s important, eternally valuable in Your eyes! And perhaps even the joy of helping to reap, to bring in the harvest! Yes! Thank You! It all seems so worthwhile now that You are showing me what You see, what You plan and purpose, what YOU dream and envision… and WILL - have already, from eternity! - bring to pass! Thank You! Yay! Amen! Praise God! Hallelujah!

John 4:46-54 The official implored Jesus to heal his dying son… and believed Jesus when He said, “Go, your son lives”… and then he saw that the healing took place right then… (v53) “So the father… himself believed and his whole household.” Make me a believer, Lord, and a pray-er - an implorer! - that others may see Your answers, Your miracles, Your love - and also believe! Please! Yes… “Be strong and courageous… for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go!” (Josh 1:9).

Philippians 3:1 “Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord!” Yes! So much to rejoice for… starting with YOUR words, YOUR answers, right here, in my comfy chair on the front porch, right now, this morning! Thank You, Lord! Amen!

There it is again - Your purposes vs “my dreams and plans”: “we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh!” (v3)

“7. But whatever things were gain to me (my big dreams, my hopes, my plans, recognition of myself), these thing I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8. More than that, I count all things to be loss (even if I seem to have “nothing” to respond to the question, “But what are you doing?” - “seem” because we do not see what You see!) in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ 9. and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousnes which comes from God on the basis of faith, so that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings (oh my goodness: we so avoid that! We don’t want it! We don’t believe it! We pray to be kept from it! We just want happy, happy,joy, joy, “success!” But it is basic to “being like Christ” - it is joy itself! Yes! Forget the goals and big numbers and success ratings and fame and wealth and health and prosperity!), being conformed to His death, 11. in order that I may attain to the resurrection of the dead. 12. I PRESS ON SO THAT I MAY LAY HOLD OF THAT FOR WHICH ALSO I WAS LAID HOLD OF BY CHRIST JESUS!” (Jesus laid hold of me! Amazing grace and mercy! And He never lets go! I am His child, forever and ever with Him! Oh dear God, help me to long for this great good news, this reality, this eternal blessedness and joy for all others - for You do indeed love all Your created children and long that none should perish but that all should come to repentance! (2 Peter 3:9).

“…forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus… living by that same standard to which we have attained (Phil 3:13-14, 16).

June 15, 2009

Woke 6 am. Got dressed, ate cereal, had hot chocolate (mocha, actually!) and checked news, email, fb.

Now I’m out on the porch alone with You (and Your Word)… enjoying Your beautiful creation! The sky is kind of cloudy but it is quite warm for this time of morning. Apparently there was a 10 minute downpour of rain after I went to sleep Friday night but the ground was totally dry by Saturday morning. Other than that, we’ve had lots of thunderstorms predicted the past few days, a few thunderings have developed, and sometimes a drop here and a drop there of rain… so many forest fires all over the place already this year, though none really close to here. Hubby and I took a drive on Twin Lakes Road yesterday… and going through an area where there are a number of pretty upper-class homes scattered through very dry pine forest, I am actually glad not to live in that environment, although it’s very pleasant to visit!

Up at my cousin’s place, which also has a bit of pine forest, but also lots of well-watered fields around their place (which would hopefully impede any fire), it smelled wonderful, bringing Pine Grove family Bible camp to mind. I sometimes wonder why it had to come to an end… but Papa, You know best. You know I dreamed of being part of an intentional community, of people gathering to bring healing to others through Your mercy and care lived out by Your people in unity with You… in a setting like that beautiful camp… maybe in that particular setting, even…

Papa, there used to be this big “visioning” thing a few years back, when we were told to dream our dreams and then to trust You for them… but Papa, number one, I saw a lot of “big-time dreamers” fall… and number two, I don’t see that in Your Word, either. It sounds to me more like the “American dream” than “God’s dream” … and no, I really don’t think those two things are the same at all!

Yes, Joel prophesied, and Peter proclaimed the fulfillment that “it shall be in the last days, God says, That I will pour forth of My Spirit on all mankind; And your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, And your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams….” (Acts 2:17)… but Father, that wasn’t “our dreams/ my dream” … those are speaking of prophetic dreams and visions… and when one reads of such dreams and visions in scripture, not only are they given by God (not self-dreamed by us), who has poured out His Holy Spirit on people whom He has made righteous (for example, in Isaiah’s case, by the coal on his lips from the altar in the heavenly throne room of God; in the case of the apostles, by the shed blood of Jesus redeeming those who have believed), but they are messages not only of glory (future glory, always brought by God - His glory) and they are dependent upon our response to warnings to truly repent and turn back to God and love Him and obey Him (with dire warning of terrible destruction for those who fail to do so!).

Yes, we humans - even we believers - often “dream” grand visions of great amazing ways we can help others, love them with the love of Christ, proclaim the gospel to them… by raising great programs and projects and outreaches and such… and while our “motives” I suppose are “noble” at least to some degree, I don’t see in the scriptural record any “dreams” that worked that way (except maybe David’s dream of a magnificent temple for God… who as it turned out wouldn’t let him do it, but allowed his son Solomon to do it… and then look what became of that magnificent temple within such a short time period, for, as even Solomon admitted at the temple’s dedication, “But will God indeed dwell with mankind on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain You; how much less this house which I have built.” (2 Chron 6:18).

No, the prophetic dreams in the Bible - Old and New Testaments both - were God speaking, calling, begging His people to return to Him, to return to righteousness, to repent, to fully turn from their sins and walk with God in new life, the life Jesus came to bring! Always, it is God’s speech, not man’s ideas. Always it is God’s work, and man is simply called to hear His voice, and to turn and to fully participate in the eternal work God already has in progress, whose purpose and end is sure and already complete and victorious in Christ.

We are called to dream, to envision, righteousness among all people, the restoration of God’s design for humanity, as it was before we chose to turn from Him and go our own way… before we chose to go the enemy’s way. We are being called to walk in the garden with God, in perfect relationship, as Adam and Eve did before their fatal decision to disobey (Gen 3). Yes, we dream utopian dreams - even non-believers dream these kinds of dreams - of a perfect, uncorrupted world and society - for deep inside each of us is the memory (sense, consciousness, call from God to return to Him) of what and who God created us to be.

But then we go on to “dream” of “how we can make this happen”… and while God does use “practical” means (Jesus Himself healed, physically, emotionally, spiritually; and fed the people and calmed the storms… and both Old Covenant Law and the New Covenant church cared for the poor and the foreigners, and sought to live righteous lives, and shared their goods with one another, and so on) - we, after all, are creatures of flesh, and this is a hands-on, touchable world. His call is first of all to inner, spiritual transformation, without which those “practical means” can only be temporary and will quickly become corrupted and cast aside and destroyed - just as Solomon’s beautiful temple was.

As Jesus told the woman at the well (John 4), “whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life” (verse 14); and, “an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshippers. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth” (verses 23-24). The work is God’s, the methods are God’s, He has given us freely of His Spirit and His Word (His written revelation AND His Son!). We just need to truly repent, to truly turn to Him, to accept the salvation Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross has provided, to truly walk with Him daily, literally abiding in Him moment by moment, seeking His face, conversing with Him (prayer), sacrificing our own desires and ways in the process (which is where, I believe, the repentence and humility of fasting comes in…is that right?). And as we do, we will learn to hear His voice, respond to Him in obedience and love, see the world as He sees it - “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16). And in that process, that true life, that walk in the garden with our Creator and eternal loving Father, His “dreams” (His sure eternal plans and purposes) will also become ours:

our dreams and visions, from and in - abiding in - Him, and He will lead us into the practical ways He has determined and prepared for each of us individually and as His family, Christ’s body, the church (local and universal) to work toward His final realization of His dreams in practical ways, even on this beautiful (practical, hands-on) earth He created for us, His creation (for whom, in His love,He has given all (He has given Himself!) to restore the Eden - to create the “new heavens and new earth,” an earth which includes both the perfect physical home and the perfect full relationship with Him, that He intended before He ever created it and us!

So… (thank You, Papa…. this writing surely is from You, isn’t it? I did not have it in mind at all when I started writing, and it contains much that is “new to me.” All I had when I started was questions and wonderings… about what it is You want from me/ us, where You want me/us, why it seems like we wait and wait and don’t receive any great “vision” of a “great work” You have for us to do, why it feels to me like I am a failure and never seem to really bring anyone to You, how it can be that my “work” at this time should be just making fry bread and cookies and being kind of shyly friendly (and why You don’t seem to give me the courage - BOLDNESS - I’ve kept asking for - aka Josh 1: 7-9… though that simple word to me from Your through Your servant - “mighty (valiant) warrior” (from Judges 6:12) - has never left my heart!), and so on and on… well, I sat down to write down my questions to You… but before I could think them clearly enough to write them down, You spoke these words - Your Word! - to my spirit through Your Holy Spirit! Thank You, Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit (Sarayu - wind of God, blowing in my heart!) - my Lord and my God! Praise Your Holy Name! Thank You! Wow!

Again yesterday someone asked me, “What are you doing these days?” and again I told them about writing and illustrating the family story… and the small, little things I am “doing” for this very informal “street ministry” as You give me the opportunities… and yet I actually found myself wondering, “But am I really doing anything? It seems so small… and maybe inconsequential…” and I found myself really feeling (and speaking) defensively about it because I could “see” how other people see it and think maybe like I’m just wasting time and talent (not to mention not contributing to the family coffers - and church tithe… oh dear…).

Father, are You also asking me to de-dream, to de-vision… as You have already asked me to de-systematize (de-school, de-church, de-be-self-sufficient, etc etc etc)? So that You can completely replace MY dreams and visions with YOURS? My ways with Your ways? My timing and impatience with Your eternal purposes and great amazing loving patience (”The LORD is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentence” 2 Peter 3:9)?

(How amazing! You have brought all these scriptures together for me in just the past few days, in my “daily reading”… unplanned by me, but totally planned and executed by You! Amazing, wonderful, awesome God! Thank You!)

(more to come… but I’ll post it as a new blog!)

June 14, 2009

Got up 3:10 am, and set bread dough. Went back to sleep till about 4:30 am, then made about 100 fried bread! Finished just after 6:30. Took most of it, along with cookies and muffins from the freezer, to church-in-the-park. Breakfast there was hot dogs - which lasted until the propane ran out! So it was a good thing I took so much food (Thank You, Father, for inspiring me to take the muffins and cookies). I also learned to make coffee in the big percolator, so that will be my little job from now on. There were a lot of people there - but only one other woman; she stayed almost the whole time - thank You, Lord! Apparently there were 3 “almost fights” but except for one, I didn’t really notice. I had good chats with several people, and gave Colin the printouts of our “testimony” as well as a list of my websites.

The “lesson” was about “the way.” It was a real confirmation to me about “love walking” and about reaching out to the poor and the anguished.

There are getting to be a lot of out-of-towners; unlike the year-round people, some of them don’t respect Pastor Peter’s efforts, and don’t appreciate the efforts of the city’s soup kitchen (which is run by volunteers in a facility built by a local church). The soup kitchen is having a lot of problems, with more people coming than they are set up for (this community is known as a summer resort area, and has a huge influx of people who come here to spend the summer relaxing in the sun…), people fighting, butting in line, taking more than their share of the food. There is potential for it to close down if things get worse.

Pastor P. wants to start moving out to help get street ministries going in other cities. I think it is maybe time for him to empower the people (disciples!) he has been mentoring, to take more responsibility for the work here, so that he can do that.

He also wants to encourage churches to commit to pay people to do full-time street ministry. I wonder? As he says, people need to be able to support their families. But if the money support comes from established traditional churches, will the street ministry people have freedom to do the work as God leads them, out on the streets where the people are, rather than trying to bring them into the “church building” programs and places… Well, God is all-powerful, so it really is up to Him - and we need to follow His Spirit’s lead, right?

He was talking about this church in a city area in Ontario where he was last week. There are a few hundred thousand people in the urban area there. At this church, there are ten pastors - including a “street ministry pastor.” He was pretty excited about that, so he asked this pastor how it was going. The pastor said, “Well, we had Jack, but he recently moved to Toronto.” Pastor P. was pretty surprised at that. He and his wife decided to go for a walk down the street outside the church, and within a couple blocks met 10 street people who hang out right around there. (It seems to me that it is sometimes hard for established/traditional churches to really reach out. Their idea of outreach seems to be to have some kind of program in the church building and hope it will attract the “lost” to come in and be “ministered to.” …. Oh, did I say that already? Yep…)

Makes me wonder if God is maybe moving individuals OUT into the streets, into the world where the harvest is ready for reaping??? (I read John 4 this afternoon: “just happened” to be today’s reading….)

Father, Pastor P is really hoping that the folks at the church that hosts the Tuesday and Thursday morning coffee times will really take ownership, and turn up regularly, and supply the needs for coffee, snacks, etc… and especially build friendships, relationships with the street people who come by for coffee and breakfast snacks. Father, please don’t let any “religious spirit” overcome this outreach - and move Your peoples’ hearts to follow Your lead in this area. Please strengthen and guide and encourage the pastor there who really has a desire to reach out into the downtown community where the building is locate! And please use me in any way You wish in these regards. Thank You.

Father, I have to say (which of course You already know - and understand far more completely than I do myself) that I sure don’t know what You want from me/us. Campbell River or Penticton (or elsewhere)? The job hubby has or another? What about me - a job, or home-based business, or not? What about our son - job, education, what?

And Father, I sometimes feel so, I don’t know, out of place! Well, I don’t feel right in the “traditional church”… but I also wonder if I really am making any difference on the street? I don’t seem to be doing any real “proclamation of the gospel”… but some at least seem to appreciate me being around, and pretty near everyone loves the baking…

So many times I have been told I have the “gift of teaching” … but it seems like in this situation and time I am mostly watching and listening. There sure aren’t any traditional “Bible study” opportunities (which is no doubt a good thing… seems I am going through a de-Bible-study-leadership time too!)… and even in Pastor P’s “lesson” times it seems I have almost nothing to add. But I think that it is true that one often needs to show - walk! - love! first, before being trusted enough by people to be able to proclaim the gospel message in words.

I am not sure how biblical that is. John did “prepare the way” for Jesus… but he did it by preaching repentance and baptizing for repentance of sins. The apostles…. well, they prayed and fasted and the Holy Spirit was given (like the Holy Spirit came upon Jesus)… and yes, both Jesus and the apostles did signs and wonders under the leading and power and authority of the Holy Spirit, which certainly did attract listeners (though even then, of course, some of the seed fell on the roadshide, or was choked out by thorns or whatever… but some grew and a great harvest was reaped, as Jesus said in the parable!)

I tried to bring up to ___ about prayer together among people involved in the street ministry and also any believers on the street who would like to join, or to be prayed for… but I don’t think he really heard me. He is truly wanting to know what You want him to do (and I can understand that… I’ve been there myself almost constantly… but more and more I can’t help but think that You want Your people to pray together, fast together, go out together! Jesus sent the disciples out two by two (without money or food or extra clothes or anything!) and the apostles went out by twos or in larger teams.

I kind of think of Priscilla sometimes as the kind of believer I’d like to be… but she was a team with her husband Aquila, and sometimes with Paul working with them as well. Father, I’m really concerned about myself in relation to submission to and under the authority, covering, headship of my husband… Father???

I have so many questions and wonderings right now, dear Papa! Please teach me, guid me, show me Your way… use me THE WAY, YOUR WAY!

Thank You!

… later… oh, so I went walkabout with my son, then my daughter and family came for a visit, and I made cow-pattie-cookies and then pancakes for supper - a pretty backwards meal! Then went to my cousin’s place to see her sister who is out visiting from Saskatchewan.

June 12, 2009 (one more time!)

So I did go for a walkabout… and chatted with Gator and told him I am praying for him; he was happy about that. Chatted with another guy too. And sat on the grass at the park and prayed for awhile for the community.

Spent a good piece of the afternoon, after doing dishes and stuff, writing another installment of the family story for July 2004 to June 2005. And then looked at a whole bunch of pictures my daughters just uploaded to fb, and saved a lot of them. Then downloaded the camera driver to my laptop and downloaded my May-June 2009 pictures from the camera. Couldn’t get the camera program itself to download, so had to use the Microsoft camera download program… and didn’t get the dates. Pooh! Anyway, then Big Dave came and took hubby and me to the Pasta Factory for supper. Yum! When I got home I made lists of my favorite pics from the family story and from the May-June pics, to upload to fb. Probably should upload to hubby’s flickr account… it must be almost time to renew it, too.

Well, the family online Halo 3 game party has started and I promised to play - how foolish is that? Guess I’ll give it a try! … so I DID - hmmmm… at one point I was “last man standing” … whatever that means… sounds good to me!

June 13, 2009

Already 8:10 am and I’m sitting here still in my jammies! Woke at 5:00, then 5:30, and finally 6:30…. Checked emails, fb, news articles… and then uploaded 2 sets of pictures to fb… the first set took a long time, as fb was being ornery. But the 2nd set went better. Hubby left at 7 am to go to a breakfast with his night crew work buddies. I’m hungry… breakfast time!

… later… sure being a lazy day. Went over to the Farmers and Artisans Market with hubby. It gets bigger every week. Got a big bag of amazing organic freshly-picked mixed salad greens. Yummy!

Got a couple responses to my photo uploads. Read the Southern Exposure and emailed a letter to the Editor with my opinions about their content changes. Hmmm… probably won’t get any response (later! he answered the same day - and agreed with some of what I said!).

…later… So hubby and I went to check out a couple of real estate open houses in the neighborhood this morning. We first checked out a 2 bed 2 bath apartment just a short block from the beach - very, very nice (both the apartment and the location - and the price is amazingly good… but it’s a 55 plus building, and hubby isn’t so happy about that).

Then mucked around on the computer, cleaning up my bookmarks, finally. And watched part of a TV program on Sasquatch, with hubby. Then started my Bible reading, then got distracted reading some stuff from a Readers Digest book on Mysteries. Also did some laundry.

Then went and looked at a second apartment, which was very nice indeed but only one bedroom - and barbeques not allowed on the deck, which made hubby very sad indeed!

We also drove around town and looked at the outsides of other apartment buildings and townhouse complexes that have units for sale under $200,000. Boy oh boy, the less expensive ones (ie apartments at $39,000) are awful! Look like they are going to fall down!

After we got back we looked again at the Campbell River MLS listings. Much better quality for a lot less money - and a lot more choices.

On the way home we also stopped at the grocery store, and found out they had t-bone steaks, hubby’s all-time favorite food, on half price. He was so happy! We bought some, and phoned our daughter and her family to come over for barbeque. After supper, hubby and daughter played a couple rounds of Halo 3, then the young folks went home. My son and I went out for a better-late-than-never walk.

June 12, 2009 again!

So I have just done my Bible reading, and one of my chapters for today was Isaiah 58, about fasting. Now I’ve done a lot of “study” on fasting before, even written up “how-to’s!” But I saw something “new to me” in my reading today - that is, that God doesn’t want just rite and ritual (which I knew), or even just “fasting and prayer” (important as prayer is): but that He won’t answer if we are not truly repentant (in action as well as in word!). So that doesn’t just mean “humbling ourselves” by going without food, or even bowing ourselves before Him and going so far as weeping and wailing and sitting on sackcloth and ashes! God wants true repentance - true “turning about,” away from all unrighteousness, to true righteousness, which is proven, worked out, in the actions and behaviors of our daily lives (even as we fast and pray).

We must declare our transgression and sins (Isa 58:1). We must stop acting, claiming, pretending to be, even thinking we are, righteous and obedient: we must see ourselves as we truly are! We are so blind, thinking that we are seeking God and delighting to know His ways, and we think that therefore when we do the fasting ritual, He will come near to us and notice us and give just decisions (to our benefit!) (Isa 58:2-3)

And yet we don’t even see how we really are as a nation, and as a people who claim to be people of God. We contend with each other, we argue, we fight - even among ourselves - which is wickedness. We go after what we desire. We drive our workers hard (often for unreasonable wages!). We enslave people in these and other ways - even in spiritual aspects like the Pharisees who put the Jewish people under endless rules and regulations - bondage - that in the end actually kept them from finding God. How often we ourselves do this, too! We point the finger, judging and gossiping, and being self-righteous. We speak wickedly, slandering people, laughing about evil things, complaining all the time… and we think wickedly, too, enjoying the “entertainment” of the world. We are selfish, taking care of ourselves, but not taking care of the poor and afflicted - even those in our own families and churches, not to mention those in our cities, nations, and around the world (Isa 58:3-4, 9-10).

Isn’t that what Jesus was talking about when He said that the “goats” at the great judgment will include those who thought themselves to be so righteous, yet they failed to feed the hungry, give a glass of cold water to the thirsty, invite the stranger in, clothe those who need it, visit the sick and those in prison - “the least of these.” And the result will be eternal punishment! (Mt 25:31-46).

Instead, Isaiah says, if you want your fasting to be effection, if you want God to hear you and respond to you, to come near to you, you must live lives of true righteousness, even as you fast and pray. What does truly righteous living look like? (Isa 58:6-14).

- loosen the bonds of wickedness, undo the bands of the yoke, let the oppressed go free, break every yoke (which of course starts with becoming freed from sin yourself, through belief in Jesus and sacrifice and death to yourself… and then bringing the good news of liberty and freedom to others as you walk with and abide in the Lord… and love and serve both God and others… all the time, as Jesus did, and as the Holy Spirit empowers you and guides you.

- divide your bread with the hungry, bring the homeless poor into the house, cover the naked, not hide yourself from your own flesh (like Paul said, take care of your own families… hmmmm… not just leave it to the church… or the government?). (Do we really do this? We live in such a divided society… do we even want “the hungry and homeless” to be in our homes and eat our food (dividing it! Which means giving away some of what we intended to eat ourselves - might be a good thing for our expanding waistlines, eh?!? What if they come back and steal from us? What if they make our house smell funny? What if they swear in front of our children? Wouldn’t it just be better to donate to the soup kitchen, or even vounteer (staying safely behind the counter, preferably… hmmmm..) or, if we are really brave, making up some sandwiches to pass out on the street, and taking our cast-off clothes and raggedly blankets to the thrift store? Wouldn’t that be enough? After all, surely we don’t want “those kind of people” wandering in our neighborhoods - or even walking through our churches where we have valuable expensive musical equipment and such! (Or, heaven forbid, moving ourselves into their neighborhoods and becoming truly neighborly with them!)?

And as for those folks in third world countries, does it really make any difference to them if we “get involved.” Won’t the money or food we send just end up diverted by some rebel group or some evil government, anyway? And if we do “go,” wouldn’t a couple weeks helping build a house for people, or doing some skits or whatever, be just as good as spending the same amount of travel money, but staying there for a long enough period of time (years maybe), and living simply, with them, as friends and servants?

- give yourself (literally, furnish yourself) to the hungry, and satisfy the desire (soul) of the afflicted. (What? I have to give MYSELF? What does that really mean?)

- honor God’s holy day of rest, desisting from your own ways and your own pleasure and your own word. (Okay! But we are freed from the law, aren’t we? The whole Sabbath thing is by-gone, right? Anyway, isn’t it more restful to go golfing, or relaxing and watching an entertaining video, or chatting with friends about the weather and about your favorite hobbies and your successes and all, while you chow down in “good fellowship” around the barbeque? Anyway, didn’t Jesus say the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath? So shouldn’t we be able to do want we want, what gives us pleasure and enjoyment - that’s truly restful and relaxing, isn’t it? And isn’t every day the same anyway? What? It couldn’t be that “fulfilling the law” means going beyond the law, could it? Sure, maybe Jesus was right that looking lustfully is as bad as committing adultery (though, boy oh boy, that seems pretty difficult - and unrealistic - doesn’t it? Maybe He was just using hyperbole to make His point?) … but surely He wouldn’t expect us to carry that “holy day” thing into every day being a holy day?? Nah, that’s just carrying it way too far… isn’t it?)

And then, what do other scriptures say about all this fasting-and-prayer stuff, anyway? Let’s take a look: some examples:

Hosea 10:12 says to sow to righteousness, reap with holiness, break up your fallow ground (John Wesley wrote of “fallow ground”: Your hearts are as ground over-run with weeds, which need to be plowed and broken up, that good seed may be sowed in them) - seeking the LORD till He comes to rain righteousness on you!

Micah 6:8 - what the LORD requires of you is to do justice, to love kindness and loyalty, and to walk humbly and circumspectly with God.

Matthew 9:13 (s/a Hosea 6:6) - God desires compassion, not sacrifice: after all, Jesus came to call sinners!

Philippians 4:18 - Paul calls the gift that the Philippians sent to him when he was suffering, “a fragrant aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well-pleasing to God”

Hebrews 13:16 - doing good and sharing are sacrifices that please God

Joel 2:1-11 - is a warning about the dreadful “day of the LORD”- the day of great judgment that is coming… but we do not need to fear it if we will return to God with all our heart and with fasting, weeping and mourning (v 12). But this is not a ritual form of fasting and repentance! Verse 13 says, and this is key, “Rend your heart and not your garments.” Then, our God who IS “gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness and relenting of evil” will “turn and relent and leave a blessing behind Him” (v 13-14). God calls all His people to “proclaim a fast” (v 15). They are to be sanctified (to be made holy, to separate themselves and come out of their unclean lives) (v 16), and are to beg God to have pity on His people and to take away their reproach and shame (which, by the way, they have brought upon themselves by their disobedience and turning away from God) (v 17-18), and beg Him to bless His people (v 19-26). And then He will answer, and be in their midst and be their God (v 27)! And He will pour out His Spirit on all mankind, and display wonders and deliver whoever calls on His Name (v 28-32)!

Matthew 6:16-18 - fasting (ritual going without food, humbling yourself, self-sacrifice, so that your prayers will be answered) is not to be a time to “look holy” to other people, by putting on a gloomy face and neglecting your appearance. Rather you are to keep it secret before God - and He will reward you.

Acts 13:2-3 When the church at Antioch was fasting, note that they were “ministering to the LORD and fasting.” It was service to God, not prayers for their own benefit! And He came to them and told them to “separate for Me Barnabus and Saul for the work to which I have called them.” That’s just like in Isa 58:5 which says “a fast which I (the LORD) choose.” Yes, God does reward us when we truly fast (with all that includes: real repentance, turning to live truly righteous lives, prayer… and fasting from food as a symbol of our repentance and of our seeking God and HIS WILL AND WAYS!). But those “rewards” are always a result of His grace, compassion, lovingkindness, mercy…. “not of (our) works (our “fasting” … even our prayers…) lest any man should boast.” We fast, in loving obedience and gratefulness, to minister to God, for His glory and honor, not for our own benefit!

Notice in Acts 13:3 that after they fasted (ministering to, serving, God), and God game them direction to set aside Paul and Barnabus - to HIS work HE planned for them - that they again fasted and prayed, and laid their hands on them, before actually sending them out. Fasting and prayer was clearly a regular, on-going part of the life of the church, an integral part of a daily lifestyle of “ministry to the Lord.”

Oh yes… and God does reward true fasting, in His great lovingkindness and mercy and grace (because no matter how “right” our fasting and prayer is, we ourselves can never “deserve” those rewards!). Back to Isa 58:

v8: light, recovery, righteousness. The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard (protection)

v9: the LORD will answer your calls, your prayers, to Him

v10: your “gloom” will be as bright as midday!

v11: the LORD will continually guide you, satisfy you (even in the hardest places and times), give strength to you, be living water in your life

v12: bring restoration

v14: you will take delight in the LORD and He will care for you in wonderful ways!

(s/a Joel 2:21-27 and Joel 2:28f. God will pour out His Spirit and will deliver His people who call on His Name!

June 11, 2009

Isa 57:14 And it will be said, Build up, build up, prepare the way, Remove every obstacle out of the way of My people. 58. For thus says the high and exalted One Who lives forever (dwells in eternity), whose name is Holy, I dwell on a high and holy place, And also with the contrite and lowly of spirit In order to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.

Isa 57:21 There is no peace, says my God, for the wicked.

So what did I do today? Woke up 5:30 am and made saskatoon berry turnovers. Took some of them to coffee time. We were talking about coffee time, and I suggested they might do it as a (free) sidewalk cafe in the summer, rather than in the back room off the alley. So they are going to go to city hall to find out if that is possible.

I was going to hand out the leftover turnovers on the way home but didn’t see any of the gang out and about. Three of the guys were in the hospital for various reasons over the past few days, but are now out and about and doing better, so I’m told. That’s good to hear. Thank You, Lord (answer to prayer! Yay!).

Came home, did this and that - then sat on the porch, read the Bible, and then practiced guitar for a long time. Talked to my daughter on the phone, then emailed her some crock pot recipes. Also cleaned up my email inbox.

Funny weather today - bright and sunny, then cloudy and breezy - back and forth - cloudy right now, mostly. Not so hot as yesterday.

I’m thinking I should finish up my family photos story but am not feeling enthusiastic. Anyway, I’ll have to go back and fill in all the incidents I’ve remembered later, and find some photos from negatives and slides. Well, I’lll probably cook supper pretty soon, but want to get back to my gospel reading (Mark 5) and epistle study (1 Peter 1-2) first.

…. later… oh! I forgot! I washed all the floors this morning. And just now vacuumed everything but the bedrooms. I also went to the store to get a couple items. I did start my epistle study again, only it’s been awhile (did some Mark, and read and took notes from the Rabbits and Elephants book in between) so I went back and read over I, II, III John and Jude again, putting a heart symbol on every reference to “love” or “beloved,” and putting a rectangle around every “one another” reference. Now I am going on to I and II Peter, underlining key phrases and verses, and also marking the “love” and “one another” references there. I’m thinking I should go back later and mark “obey/obedience,” “command/ment,” “truth,” “life,” and perhaps a couple other references.

…. later… so I went walkabout 7:30 to nearly 9 pm! (Getting my 10,000 steps in for sure!). Then checked email and a

June 12, 2009

Midmorning, sitting on the front porch. Got up about 6:30 am. Fb and email check, breakfast. Walkabout with my son - before 8 am. Already 19 C at 7 am - sunrise comes early these days, and it only cooled to 15 C last night!

Home, watered and weeded the garden, and watered the patchy winter-kill spots on the lawn - but it is filling in bit by bit. Yay!

Last night when I went walkabout I pretty much had to wade several places from the foot of the 2nd bluffs to the foot of the first bluffs - the lake is really rising. So I guess I’ll have to find a new evening walkabout route - or some good wading shoes, since it’s pretty rocky along there!

Played a bit of that shooting game - oh, Halo 3 - with my son this morning, because our kids have planned an online family game night (from all over the country in the different places they and their friends live), and they are determined I should join them for a round. I am so not a gamer! Back in the day I couldn’t get past the 1st level on those easy games, and I gave up. Oh my goodness! I am still terrible! I had to stop after a bit because I got dizzy and sick to my stomach - I kept spinning my guy around and falling him flat on his face or on his back - though I did manage to shoot a few enemies! The shooting isn’t so hard, it’s just coordinating the looking around button and the moving forward button and the jump button - I can’t get them together!

June 10, 2009 (again)

So I did all the stuff I planned for today! And also went walkabout to pay bills. ___ phoned from hubby’s work to confirm we could go ahead and make our ferry reservations, hurrah! Thank You, Father! Also did Bible reading, laundry, supper, dishes, etc. This evening I walked up the stairs, across the KVR trail, down the second set of bluffs, back along the beach…. and actually walked on the beach between the peach and the SS Sicamous, wading ankle deep about 2/3 of the way! Then back home. It did get to about 30 C today - and is 27 C in my bedroom… My son (whose room is 30 C) has been sleeping on the couch downstairs since it got hot… I think I’m going to miss my outdoor gazebo bed when it gets really hot! On my walk I had a short chat with Jennifer and said hello to a couple others I know on the street. I saw Dan and Lily when I was driving to pay the cellphone bill, and waved, but they didn’t see me.

It’s a beautiful quiet evening. I’m sitting out on the porch. And I’m tired! Oh! ___ phoned and asked me for hubby and my “testimony” of how we came to the Lord… as we told it to him a couple weeks ago when he came by for soup. He wants a written version because he is putting a book together. So I printed out the relevant sections from my family story sit and from my PCS testimony. Going to sleep now - have to get up early and make something for coffee time.

Good night, Papa! Jesus! Holy Spirit! I really do love You. You are so wonderful to me. Thank You!

June 10, 2009

Got up about 6, checked email and fb, and typed notes till hubby got home from work.  Breakfast, dishes, laundry.  Looks like it will be warm today, close to 30 C.

Finished my book notes!  Yay!  Then started doing my blogging catch-up typing again.  Stopped to go walkabout with my son.  Then back to journal/blog typing.

It has been an exciting week or two!  An adventure with You, for sure, Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit - my Lord and my God!

Taking a little break to have a snack, then will finish my typing and upload it to my blog.  Also need to do bookkeeping (I’m way behind) and make those ferry reservations.  (I waited till this morning to talk to hubby about it, because I was worried that I’m just panicking, and that maybe You have other plans, and that is why the Hamlets haven’t confirmed the holiday dates yet… but I have now prayed for Your will to be done… and my husband has given me the go-ahead to make the reservations, so I will do that today.

Oh yes, yesterday my son asked me to help him fill out a job application form, then he took it with his resume.  The lady at the store said it is especially good that he is available at any time, so he might get called.  He is kind of hoping (quite hoping!) to go to Campbell River with us at the end of the month to visit his sister and family, and is kind of afraid he might get called to work instead.  So as we were on our walkabout, I prayed for him that YOUR will be done… because Father, YOU know best!  You care!  You love!  So Your plans are the best plans!

(For our needs too!  possible move to the islands, or just to another house here… and whatever it is You are doing with my life… and so on and so forth!

Oh! and one of my daughters is trying to plan a family reunion for next summer:  Your will, Papa!  Thank You!) I love You! amen!

June 9, 2009

So in the afternoon yesterday I went for a walk with my son… and a couple walks by myself.  On one of them I was going by Fibonacci’s coffee shop, and a guy sitting at a table on the sidewalk cafe there called me over.  He knew my name, though I didn’t recognize him at all.  He asked about Sunday church-in-the-park… and I told him that about a dozen people turned up, and we sat around and ate cookies, and that I enjoyed it.  Then he said Pastor P. is back in town… which I had assumed.  That young girl was there too, so I said “hi” to her as well.  (I had asked Father before I set out, to let the walk be according to His will…  Sometimes I wonder about what I’m doing, so that really encouraged me…).

When I was walking with my son, he told me that he thought maybe we should be looking to buy a house in Penticton.  He admitted he’d like to stay here, but also said he thinks some of our girls think maybe we are playing favorites by wanting to move to Campbell Rive.  (I have kind of wondered about that myself, but haven’t said anything about it).

So on Sunday, as I recorded before, I had mentioned to my husband about if we should pray together about God’s will regarding moving, but at that time he didn’t say a thing.  Last night, after what my son said, I looked through the local Real Estate weekly paper and found a couple possible places here (2 bedrooms, under $200,000).   So this morning I mentioned to my husband what our son said, and he said he had never thought of the girls thinking we were playing favorites, but that maybe it is possible.  Then right away he just took my hand, and prayed for both of us that Father would show us His will in regards to all this!

Then we had breakfast, and then went on-line and looked at the MLS listings for our city, and found out there are actually quite a lot of possibilities.  Of course the cheapest are mobile homes in trailer parks,  and we really don’t want to do that unless it is one of the parks where you own the piece of land your trailer is on (and those of course cost more).  There are a lot of two (and a few 3) bedroom apartments starting at about $130,000 and up, and then townhouses starting about $169,000 and up, and even a duplex and a fixer-up-house just under $200,000.  I was really surprised - there were 6 pages of listings at 10 per page (except the last page which was 5 or 6 listings)… so over 50 listings in our price range, although the first couple pages are pretty much trailers.  (I think housing prices really have been dropping).

Then we went to coffee time.  Pastor P. was back from his Ontario ordination, and obviously feeling really quite inspired - and realizing that he needs to focus on the street, which is where God has really called him.  Well, I myself had already wondered about all his other “plans/ dreams/ involvements” and I think that he is hearing Your voice, Father.  His wife and others have also confirmed this.

Oh!  I gave Pastor J. my “Rabbits and Elephants” book to read!

Anyway, one thing I didn’t mention on Sunday (I don’t think) was that I saw __ (the native one, in a wheel chair) and offered him a cookie… but he was so battered that he can’t even eat.  His lips are all swollen and cracked, his face all scraped, and his hands all dry and puffy and cracked and caked.  He is skin and bones and his legs are just shaking.  And he keeps throwing up clear foamy stuff.  I placed my hands on his back and head, and prayed for him.  That was quite a breakthrough for me… I can’t get him out of my mind… Father, please take care of him, please heal him if it is your will, not just physically, but free him, please, Father, from the bondage of alcohol (Pastor P says that ___ really loves Jesus… oh Papa, please free him from this terrible bondage!  thank You!)

And I am also wondering how the guy who had the seizure in the street is doing…

Now, since I read that book, when I go out walking uptown, when I wake up in the morning, when I’m doing my Bible reading, and other time, I find I am praying quite a lot for the people downtown… but also for the businesses, and other aspects of the city.

So at coffee time I told Pastor P. about Sunday and the cookies and the people who gathered and how we sat on the curb, and visited, and that ___ prayed for everyone.  He was pretty happy about that.  He said, “You know I’m going to tell your story!”  Well, I didn’t know that (and certainly wasn’t even thinking about it) … but I do think he was encouraged because he has felt alone, perhaps, out there.

Well, he talked to John, and then he said to the couple ladies who are always there at coffee time,that he wouldn’t be very involved in coffee time any more, but he encouraged them to keep it going.  He said if ___ (who is the lady who God led to start it) needed food or coffee stuff, to let him know, and she told him she’d try to get church people to bake, but she sounded kind of doubtful - she has a hard time getting anyone to bake for the coffee corner at the church…  I’m afraid I rolled my eyes when she said she’d ask the church people (sorry, Lord… that was wrong!).  Pastor P did say to try to get others in the church more involved…

Oh, she asked me if I go to the Sunday church-in-the-park, and said she feels like she “should do more,” and maybe she could come to that too.  I just told her to come and hang out and see what’s happening.

Okay, what I really wanted to say, too, was that at coffee time, my husband told everyone what I said about wondering if it is really God’s will if we move, and how we should pray together, as in “when 2 or 3 are gathered in My name…” and that we had prayed together this morning… and then he asked everyone there to also pray for us that God would show us His will, so Pastor P prayed right then… and at the end, just as everyone was leaving, hubby asked them again to remember to pray and they said they would.  (After he prayed this morning, at home before coffee time, hubby said that right away he had a lot more peace.  Yep, me too!  Though I can still hardly believe he prayed like that!  And then told them at coffee time, too, and asked for their prayers!  Wow!

After coffee time, we went to get gas, and on the way home we drove by a couple apartment buildings in our area that have apartments for sale. “I” think it would be awesome to still be in this neighborhood!

I guess we should talk to our children in Campbell River about all this.  Father, please prepare their hearts - and ours - for YOUR will!  Thank You!

(I keep thinking about what I could do in the way of a little home-based business…to make a few dollars… this is more and more on my mind… but Father, is it from Your Spirit… or is it “just me”??  Please show me Your will, Father! In Jesus’ name!)

Oh yes, Pastor P is having “typical teens” struggles at home with his 5 teens!  Please be with him and his wife and family, Father.  Please give them wisdom and Your love and care.  And please be with his wife and her mom who is slowly dying  (And her dad too, and her sister).  Thank You, Father!

And please bless the couple who are getting married!

…. later… (Having gone for yet another walkabout, made lunch, started typing my notes from “The Rabbits and The Elephants”…)

This morning when I was walking with my son, he was telling me about when he used to play this on-line video game with a bunch of other people,and how it started as this little group of maybe 8 people that was really like a family (there were even a couple who were in their 40s that everyone referred to as the group parents!) and everybody had a good time, really got to know each other, worked together on the game… gradually more people joined in, but it still
worked well till there was about 15.  Then it built up to 25 and started to be a bit awkward, people started dividing into sub-groups to chat (the officers group, the newbies with low skill levels, the people with high skill levels, the people in the middle…) and they started to complain about each other, especially the newcomers who didn’t get invited to the “raids” very often… and to begin with, people had played for fun, but gradually it became more and more competitive, and a couple of the officers developed these big dreams of becoming the best group on the server (there were like 30,000 people playing in groups on this server, and their group made it up to #6!)… but to accomplish this they couldn’t let the less skillful people go on the raids because that would decrease their success level… and finally (after the group got up to 35 or 50 people, many who didn’t know or like each other… and some there for the social life, others to play for fun, others to play to win:  so even their goals/ purposes/ dreams were different) it got to the point where the whole group blew apart, instead of having divided up into smaller groups way earlier on, which could have the family-type atmosphere of the original group.

I was really interested in this story, because it sure reminded me of the same kind of things happening in all kinds of situations - clubs, teams, organizations, busineses, classrooms, study groups… and yes, churches.  The family size group is truly the building-block of society, and when things like this happen, the family/ relational dynamic breaks down, and all kinds of problems develop.

… later… Just as I finished writing the above, my daughter and grandson came in.  We visited for awhile, then she went for groceries and I watched the baby and made supper.  Hubby ate, then left for work, and my daughter came and picked up her son.  Oh yes, two of my other daughters also phoned this afternoon!  Yay!

And hubby and I decided on our travel dates even though he hasn’t been “cleared to go” yet by his work!  So I need to make reservations.  I was really tired, but I stayed up past 9 pm typing my book notes anyway - almost done!